Little Man Monday

Hi Darling,

I can't even begin to tell you how often you are in my thoughts. This is the first one of these I've written from my office when your picture was sitting there, right next to me, as I type. It's so surreal to me that you are a person. A little man with thoughts and experiences. I know this isn't the first time I've expressed this. It's just still almost hard to believe. It's always in my thoughts.

This week or next week, all our "official" paperwork that brings us closer to you should finally be on your continent and in your country instead of in ours! Hooray! Oh, IC, I just can't even tell you what a relief that is. Hopefully soon it will be us in place of the paperwork. We're sure hoping we get the clearance to meet you soon. Soon is relative, I know. But I just can't wait to look into your eyes and touch your hands and give you a hug.

I've been working on getting our house ready for you. Not too ready, mind you. I want to meet you before we work on your room. But I did buy a night light last week. It matched and was on sale. And every little guy needs a night light. Every big guy needs a night light. Ask your Dad:). I keep looking at sheets and things for your bed but I'm waiting until we get to spend time together to do too much more. As Dad and I watched TV last night, we reflected on how you'll be sleeping in the room next door soon. It's just wild.

We went to the zoo this weekend. My favorite exhibit, the penguins and puffins, is closed. They won't be back on display until 2015. It was a big moment to realize the next time we see the penguins and puffins in the zoo you will be home with us, walking the paths and enjoying the animals. We hope you like the zoo as much as we do. It's kind of one of our favorite things. This past time, we saw elephants screeching. Never have I heard such a noise! I look forward to seeing all these things all over again for the first time with you.

You better believe as soon as we get the word we will be on a plane to look into your eyes and promise you we'll be yours forever. Can't wait!

All my love,

mom

Little Man Monday

Hello Dear, Sweet, Little Man,

I can't believe as I type this, the picture of you is in my mind. I finally know your face. Finally. After all the months of writing to an imaginary, ageless, faceless you, finally I'm writing to YOU!

I think you'll get the handwritten letter from me this week. I wish I could see the emotions you have. I know there have to be many. Will someone read it to you or will you just look at it, wishing you could understand the words. Are you hopeful? Excited? We are.  Are you terrified? Worried you won't fit in with us? I have no fear of this, little guy. I know God has written our stories together for a reason and we will learn each other. We will be different and we will be the same and we will learn the differences and the similarities.

As you look at our pictures I wonder what you think. Do you think we're weird looking? Have you met many people with skin our color? Are you terrified of all the photos of our dogs? All things we can work out together. But as I strive to know you, I just have this deep desire to know your reactions to this whole situation.

And us? We are elated. We know growing a family is hard work. But we are so ready to work for you. We want to learn about soccer. And any possible thing you might have even the slightest interest in. We're all in, buddy. We have been. Since the moment we signed on the dotted line with our agency. Before we knew your face. Your age. Your circumstances. We are all in.

I love you. I would count down the days until I meet you but I don't know how many they number. Regardless, you are in my heart, on my mind, and in my prayers.

Love,

mom

Little One Letter

Hi Little One,

Oh I am praying. Praying, praying, praying. You see, Ethiopia? The place we have been waiting for you for more than two years? Well, the government isn't so sure anymore. They are talking changes. Or even ending adoption. We don't know much yet. And I am still hoping that's where you are.  But it's a little wild ride we're on.

I want you to know I am praying for all the kids in Ethiopia and you specifically.  I want you to know I am praying for the government.  I am praying for your safety and that your government makes choices to keep the option of adoption open to those of you who need it and protects those kiddos who can stay with their birth family, in their birth country.

I want you to know I know this is hard for you. And your family. I want you to know that I love you so, so dearly and I want to make sure you are meant to be ours.  So if you are not in Ethiopia, we will find you. If we have to wait years and search for you in another country, we will find you.  If we have to fight for you, we will.  But for now, our fighting is done in prayer.

Things in adoption are hard.  Nothing is easy. But I am praying God will lead us to you and protect you along the path.  My prayers for you and Ethiopia have only increased since we got word that things are questionable in Ethiopia. And so maybe that's a good thing.  In the end, my prayers for you and for Ethiopia will keep going regardless of the decisions the government makes.

Love you Little One. Even amidst uncertainty,

mom

Little One Letter

Hi Little One,

Wonder what you're up to! I am writing this on a Monday, as I often do, thinking of how different life will be when you arrive.

It's Christmas season here. I decorated yesterday and it took every ounce of self-control I have not to put up a stocking for you. Yes, we've had a stocking reserved for you for a while but I don't want to put it up until we know who you are and can put your name on it.  Our mantle looks lovely with the four stockings (our dogs have stockings around here...yes, we are crazy!) but I just can't wait to add one or two more. It will be the most exciting day ever to add yours to the list. I have to say we would be more than thrilled to do it this holiday season. Knowing we've only got a few weeks, though, I understand it might be next year. Hopefully not the next. Oh, for the sake of both our hearts, I hope it is not.

When you arrive in our lives, we will get TWO Christmases! I mean, we'll celebrate Christmas on Dec 25 like we always do in the US but we'll also celebrate Gena.  That's Ethiopian Christmas, as I am sure you know. I am already trying to get used to leaving my decorations up a little later. I wonder what kinds of traditions we'll have together. I can't wait.  Christmas will be so much more fun when you are around.  Sharing our family. Reading the Christmas story together. Getting you your own nativity. Wrapping gifts and watching you open them. Sharing the truth of the miracle of Jesus.  Then I imagine we'll come up with some new traditions, too. Maybe we'll eat popcorn and drink cocoa for Gena. Maybe you'll have a favorite Christmas movie. Maybe we'll meet up with other Ethiopian families. Hard to tell.

I know I've told you before you very excited our community is to meet you. We're all getting more excited. In fact, a few weeks ago, people prayed nonstop for you for 24 hours. For your safety. For your quick homecoming. For people to love and care for you until we can get there. For your health. And of course we pray for you all the time. But for someone else to pray for you and care for you in the way we hope you are, well, it's just heartwarming.

I read an article about someone who's been to our transition home, where you will most likely live. It was encouraging to hear her talk about how much the nannies care for their kids. And how much the director cares about your daily life. It breaks my heart that you are most likely over there, waiting for paperwork, just like we are over here, waiting for paperwork. But it was so nice to know if we can't be united yet, you are most likely in good hands.  We'll continually be praying for that.

I must get grocery shopping but I hope you know you're on my heart. I'm praying until we meet. And forever.

Love,

Mom

Little One Letter

Hello Little One,

It's bright and early here but it's late afternoon on your side of the world. Sometimes I like to look at what time it is in Ethiopia and wonder what you're up to. Of course, that will all depend on how old you are. And boy (or girl), would I like to know!

I think of you each and every day. I wonder if today will be the day we'll get a call that will tell us more about you. I dream of what that call will look like. What will I be doing?  Will your hair be in tight curls or sweet braids? Will you be smiling nervously or maybe you're so shy they won't be able to coax a smile out of you for the picture. Will there be one or two of you in that picture?

There was a time I was writing to you, not sure if you were even born. I think we can be pretty certain you are born, now that we think you're a little older. Still, there are so many uncertainties.

Yesterday I had to run lots of errands and I thought of what it would be like to have you as a shadow. You probably wouldn't have liked sitting in Jiffy Lube for 40 minutes. But...there was a cute baby who would have been sitting next to us. Maybe you would have smiled. Maybe we would have all played together. Or maybe you and I would have been actively played hopscotch in the parking lot and we wouldn't have even noticed the cute baby. Things are going to be so different when you get here. I can't even imagine. Or wait. But I do wait.

Please know, little one, I pray for you so, so often. It breaks my heart to think of everything that's happening on your side of the world before you become ours.  I pray for your safety every day. I pray for people to love you and sing to you.  I have a friend headed to Ethiopia in a few days. I wonder if she will meet you. Are you already in the transition home? Will she play ball with you or paint your nails? Will she sing to you or hug you until I can get there? Only our heavenly father knows but I can't wait for his plans to be revealed.

Little one, I would wait forever for you but I hope I don't have to. I love you!

love,

mom

Little One Letter

Hi Little One,

It's crazy for me to think for so long I wrote to you as a boy and now you might actually be a girl! Oh my goodness! I can't wait to meet you.  I am probably even more excited now that we have absolutely no idea what gender you will bring to our family!!

I have to tell you the kind of love and support our community already has for you.  So many people are excited to meet you. We talk about you almost every day. We discuss what you will be like, when you will arrive, how your transition will be, and how very, very much you will be loved.

You also have lots of prayers coming your way. Not just from me, your mama. Although I have to tell you, I am praying for you often. I pray for your safety. That you will know you are loved by your first family and by us. I am already praying you will connect with us and God will bond our family together. I hate it that I can't be there from your first moments. I may be missing years of your life and it pains me more than you will ever know that I can't protect you from all the things that will happen before we are united in family-hood.  And so, instead I pray.  That God will protect you. But I know it will still be hard.  So I look forward to the times we will get to spend together.

Today I weeded the garden. I pictured you with small garden gloves and a small shovel.  I imagine at first you'll just dig the dirt but eventually I'll help you learn to garden. Or maybe you'll be like I was as a kid and stay inside while your whole family digs in the dirt. I hope not. From personal experience, I can tell you, one day you'll wake up. You'll be grown up. And you'll have no idea how to plant flowers and you'll wish you had spent more time with your mom and dad landscaping.  So maybe I'll just make you garden. Just kidding.  If you pick up my stubbornness, this will be absolutely impossible.

I guess I'm saying, each day as I do things I look forward to the ways we'll do them together. How we'll teach each other about each other. And how I'll teach you about things here and maybe, if you're a little older, you'll teach me your culture.

I've been cooking all day and I've been wondering if you would actually like any of the things I've cooked.  No doro wot, no injera, no tibs. Nope. Avocado salad and pudding.  Yeah, I am pretty sure I'm going to need some new recipes.  Don't worry--I'll learn for you. In fact, maybe I should get on that. There's one thing I can do during the wait.

I love you, little one.  I think of you so much but love you more.

xoxo,

mom

Little One Letter

Hey IC**,

Whew! It's been a while.  So much has happened. And not too much either.

I didn't talk much in June. June was a hard month. I'll have to tell you about it when you're older. But here's the good news: June brought us one month closer to you. And we are more excited to meet you than ever.  And we have super high hopes that July will be fantastic for all of us.

Dad and I are still missing you like crazy.  We've added more links to your chain and those links remind us that we are waiting, mostly patiently, for your arrival.  We've been talking a lot lately about what you'll be like. It's a common topic for us. I have to tell you we're not so sure these days you'll be a little man. We're becoming more and more open to the idea that maybe you could be a little lady.  So I guess "IC" is the best option to talk to you these days. We will  just have to see.  One day we'll get a call.  A call that will tell us about you. And pictures will follow. And then we'll know. And our whole world will change.  And the patience we have learned through the wait will finally be tried as we get you home and our whole world is turned upside down.

If I'm a little honest your dad and I are nervous about your arrival. I think all potential parents are nervous about the arrival of their new family member.  We pray for you. We learn as much as we can about your country and your upbringing. We've been through parenting classes. But we also know we just can't have any idea what life will be like as your parents.  We can plan and plan but you are going to surprise us in good ways and bad.  And that's ok. We still just can't wait to start the part of our life where you are more than just imaginary.

I know I've told you this before but it's not just your dad and I who are excited about your arrival. We have a whole group of friends and family that pray for you and love you. We're even planning a big event to help bring you home. I can't wait to tell you more. The coolest part is you are already a part of our little village. A part that brings our village together.

I'll be thinking of you, little one. I hope you're thinking of me too.

All my love,

Mom

**Imaginary Child (what we call our person until we have a picture, name, etc.)

Little Man Monday

Dear Little Man,

Today would be a great momma/son day! You'll have to be in my heart instead.  Today I am planting seeds in hoping of starting a garden. I am picturing your tiny fingers poking the holes in which to place the seeds. I know you would help me with the watering can and we would spill a little on the counter.  You should know I am not that good at gardening. But I think we would have fun together.

Grandma and Great-Grandma are also coming in to town today. We're going to do lunch and, although it's a lady lunch, I am pretty sure we would welcome you to our table with open arms. I know we would! They both can't wait to meet you, to the point it's over the top. You always come up in conversation when we are all together.  With all of us ladies in one cities, you know we would spoil you rotten. As if that's not going to be a regular occurrence.

Yesterday was Easter and I got to see lots of beautiful kiddos in darling clothes learning about Jesus. I look forward to waking you up and hearing you say "He is risen!" I got to teach the littles yesterday and it's pretty much my favorite thing to teach littles about Jesus' love for us. I know it will be even better when it's you!  Don't think we'll wait til Easter--we'll tell the story of Jesus all the time. But Easter is a special day of remembering. No doubt we'll remember together.

And of course, I can't wait to dress you in adorable Easter clothes.  Suspenders, bow ties, seersucker. Easter is for sure about Jesus. But I still want to celebrate with some cute clothes for you! As everyone walked the halls in their hats and cute Easter shoes and suits, I often thought of what you'd be wearing in future years. Will you like hats or throw them off? Will you be into matching your mama or will you only want to wear pajamas? We'll make it work and learn together.

Love you, little man. Thinking of you and loving you always!

Mom

Little Man Letter

Hey Little Man,

I know it's not a Monday. But I missed you. Please don't think I don't write to you because I am not thinking about you. Certainly that is not the case. In fact, sometimes I don't write to you because I think of you so often. It makes it silly to sit and write you a letter because you are always in my thoughts, right there with me in the adventure. Other times I don't write you because you are so near to my thoughts that it hurts to think this will be one more letter in a series that won't make it to your "memory" book for years.  So why don't I write to you every week? Because you write your way into my life every day.  But I always, always love you.

Today I am sipping coffee and doing housework and reading before I head to work. Dad is at work. The dishwasher is humming. The washer and dryer are whirring. Coldplay is playing and the TV is off. And it is so quiet, aside from Gabby rooting around looking for pieces of last night's dinner on the floor. It's here where it's hard to even imagine how you'll change my life.  How this time of quiet and solace and peace will seem like it never had time to happen. And I think after all this waiting there will be a piece of me that wishes it never did.

Even now, I can picture your curly head zooming around my feet with matchbox cars.  I picture the way you'll run up, asking me to tie your shoe, breaking my train of thought. The way you'll help me load the dishwasher and in your helping it will take us twice as long but we'll be together.  The way I'll leave a little earlier for work to get you where you're going. The puffy way your coat will surround your hopefully growing belly and the way it will take us a while to get it zipped because you won't want to stand still.  And we'll giggle together and learn each other and hopefully fall more in love with Jesus together.

I guess what I'm saying is I can't wait for you to get here. In the waiting I think of how different life will be and I hope you'll be patient with me.  This family thing--it's going to be new for you.  Or at least THIS family.  Well, all of it is going to be new for you. English and puppies and snow and all kinds of new food.

But do you know what we haven't talked about? How THIS family thing? It will be new for me too. Your dad and I are a family to be certain. But we will be a whole new family when you arrive.  And I will need some help adjusting, too.  Little Man, if you were here I'd ask you to give me grace. I'm going to screw up a little. A lot. I am going to be selfish when I need to be selfless. I am going to think I'm doing the right thing but it's really not going to be. I am going to get frustrated when I should really be patient. And so, we've got a lot to learn together.

I love you, little guy.  Dad and I are currently figuring we'll meet you in a year and a half. Maybe two years. Yup, that's how much you're worth it. We keep trekking.  You're worth it to God, too. He sets the lonely in families, you know. And do you know what he knows that the world doesn't know? The lonely? It's your dad and me too. We're lonely without you. We know you belong here with us. And we can't wait for him to set you in our family and us in yours.

Praying for you on this snowy Wednesday in March. Love you, IC.

mom

Little Man Monday

Hi Little Man,

I am so excited to talk to you! It's been a little while.  Your dad and I just got back from a beautiful vacation. We spent some time enjoying each other's company in Grand Cayman. We talked about you. We talked about what it would be like to have you home. We don't know when it will be so it's nice to remind ourselves that life will change and it won't seem like long once it gets here.

One thing I hope you always know about your dad and me: we love each other deeply. Oh don't be mistaken... we love you so, so much.  And we always will. But our love for each other is what started this whole family:). So, we want you to know how much we do love each other.  We look forward to taking you on vacations. But we also hope and plan to take vacations without you (when you are ready of course).  I hope you never, ever wonder whether or not your parents are passionate about each other.  I hope we can show you that every day. Maybe not every moment of every day but every day at some point.

While we were on vacation, we got you a little something:). Of course!  We got you a stuffed turtle. He doesn't have a name yet but he's in your room with your other stuffed animals. We didn't see a sea turtle  on vacation (your grandpa did!) but we did see three stingrays! It was amazing! I hope someday we can show you some.  If we go back, we'll get a stingray to add to the collection.

Dad and I are doing laundry and stepping back in to quiet, chilly winter life. Glad to share this chat with you today. You're our little man and always will be.  Even when you've outgrown me.

Love you so much,

Mom

Little Man Monday

Dear Little Man,

Merry American Christmas Eve!

Right now, your dad and the puppies and I are all sitting on the couch, watching the Today show and talking about Christmas. All that's missing is you!!  Usually I work on Christmas Eve morning but since my new job has me working this evening, your dad and I are enjoying some relaxation this morning.  We slept in and are enjoying some coffee.

Now, I know we probably won't sleep in when you arrive. But I do imagine a day when we can all snuggle and watch Christmas cartoons on Christmas Eve morning.  This new schedule will be perfect for you, I think.

Christmas is a little different here than where you live now (if you're here yet!:)). For one, we celebrate Christmas in December instead of January. For another, we have different traditions and we tend to give gifts.  I think I'll wait to explain many of the traditions  until you get here and we can all make some of our own.  It's hard for me not to go crazy getting you gifts. I would love to load up with little old man sweaters, Toms, tons of books, snuggly little hats, and so much more. But, this is our second official Christmas waiting for you. If this process is as long as we think it might be, your room would literally be filled from top to bottom with gifts by the time you got here. So, we'll probably grab one gift especially for you and save the real spoiling until you get here.

Last night our good friends came over and we decorated gingerbread houses. I thought about you and what it would be like when you arrived. I pictured making a house with you. Our house would be a little messier and a little less planned but it would be filled with way more love than the one I made alone. I think this is also true of our actual home. Right now, our Christmas tree is perfectly decorated. All the ornaments match and not one is out of place. The decorations are pretty organized and in general, the house is put together. When you arrive, our tree will probably look a little disheveled and our house won't be quite so clean. And little man, don't be mistaken. Your dad and I are so filled with love right now, for Jesus and for each other. But I know with all my heart the love we have will multiply in ways I don't even understand when you join us.

Did I mention we now have two ornaments specifically to honor you? Well, we do. One is a beautiful, breakable glass globe we'll probably have to put away when you arrive. It has a heart right over Ethiopia. The other is made by a family also waiting for their child from Ethiopia. It's a soft Africa-shaped ornament with a heart on your country. That one might even get to go on your personal Christmas tree when you arrive. Oh yes, we'll make sure you get your own Christmas tree:).

Little man, I love you so.  I can't wait to share Christmas and the joy of Christ with you. Until then, Dad and I will be snuggly and smile and think of you.  We'll pray for you today, as we do so often.

All my love and Merry Christmas,

mom

Little Man Letter

Dear Sweet Boy,

Yes. It's Wednesday. Whoops.   My only excuse is that mama was fighting bronchitis and felt pretty sick Monday. If I'm being truthful, I'm still struggling with feeling better. Days like this make me wonder how it will work when you're here and I'm barely making it work on my own:). Here's the good news, buddy. We have a great village of people who already love you and are already excited to help with you. So, you may get a fun day when I get a sick day...lucky you:).

I know it's not Christmas yet (and especially not in ET--where you celebrate in January) but you already have a gift in your room.  You see, our church does a big Family Christmas Celebration and this year, families got a pretty neat book about the birth of our Jesus.  I know I've told you some about him and I can't wait to tell you more when you get here. I pray you will begin to know him so, so early. Anyway, the book.  We gave families the book to enjoy together and there were a few extras so I got one for you!

photo credit from Amazon

I'm excited to read it with you! It's got beautiful photos and tells the story of Jesus by explaining how all the animals and fish and everything else God made was waiting for him to return as a baby. It's pretty fun.  Your book collection is growing:).

I feel like you should also know we met with our social worker this week. You'll get to know her as soon as you get home, since she'll come by to visit and see how we're doing with you.  I'm telling you we met with her so you can know she was checking to see what kinds of preparations we are making for your arrival. The answer: lots! We've read lots of books and done quite a bit of research in the past year and  a half. Oh baby, we can't wait to have a photo of you soon!  Well, probably not that soon. But we pray expectantly.  Speaking of baby, you may not be a baby at all! You may be a growing young boy. We don't know how old you are or will be when you arrive but we know we will love you so, so much. Even when it's hard for both us and for you.  Our Heavenly Father never, ever gives up on us and we will never, ever give up on you. I feel like you should know this.  And I feel like I can't tell you enough times. You should hear it always. It doesn't matter if you can't sleep at night or don't like running (gasp:)!) or won't wear a hat no matter how many I put on your head. Our love is not conditional. It will be hard for all of us sometimes but we will always, always love you.

OK, little man. I am off to send Christmas cards. We don't know how many more we'll send without your face but we know someday, you'll be plastered all over it. Just like the dogs are now.

Love you so much, Little Man!

mom

Little Man Monday

Dear Little Mister,

Well, last week we celebrated our second Thanksgiving where we thought of you and missed you. We prayed for you. We talked about you.  We shared our disappointment in the slowdown and how it looks like we won't see you for a while.  We are so, so excited to have you around. Each family occasion and holiday is just a good time to miss you. Then again, we are also so thankful for the family God has given us.  We love your Uncle Pete and his lady, your grandma and grandpa. And we know you're going to love them too.

I don't know if I've expressed to you yet how much or how often we pray for you and your birth mama and family. In our house, we know the truth of God, the way He orchestrates it all. The way He loves you and knows your whole life and who you are and who you will become, even before you are visible in an ultrasound photo (not that you'll have one--you probably won't).  We trust Him so much, not only with our lives and our future but with your life and your future.  In fact, we talk to Him a lot about you because we know He loves all of us so much. He cares about our thoughts and He listens and responds when we talk.  One of my regular prayers is that He will soften your heart toward him and draw you to him.  I pray even before we know you he will prepare your heart for his goodness.  I know this is deep. But as you read this in your adult years, I want you to know that the love story of God's goodness started long before you knew Him.

Your dad just got home. It's late and he's been working long hours for our family so I'm going to spend some time with him.  I'm sure he says hello and sends a hug.

Before I go, I wanted to let you know our Christmas tree is up and we put you on it. Well, I mean, it's not you per say. But it is a globe with a heart over Ethiopia.  It reminds us part of our heart is with you. I am looking at it as I write this post.  It's such a beautiful reminder of you.

OK, love you much, Little Man.  You have our heart.

love,

mom

DTE 11 Months and a Little Man Letter

Eleven months down, only God knows how many to go!!

I had a lovely photo of the verse on my gold pumpkin but, alas, it was sideways and I gave up on trying to reimport it. So, yeah. Here's the verse..

Ezekiel 34:12-13a

As a shepherd looks after his scattered flock when he is with them, so will I look after my sheep. I will rescue them from all the places where they were scattered on a day of clouds and darkness. ¹³ I will bring them out from the nations and gather them from the countries, and I will bring them into their own land.

At the conference I attended in September, Beth Guckenberger spoke about this verse (and so many other things). It just reminded me of our journey. I think God is rescuing us just as much as he is rescuing our little person. I mean, our priorities? Shot. Our plans? Gone. Our control? Long gone. And what a blessing.  He is rescuing us from darkness and bringing us into his land.

This weekend was homecoming so the little man's room was full.  Well, more specifically, our whole house was full! Today is a day of laundry and dishes and rest.  And running, of course. Seriously, I promise a post on my running soon. In reality, it's a major, major piece of my life right now and it deserves its own post.

Check out this chain in the little man's room! So big!! And with no referrals in our category for the past 3 months, this chain will only get longer. Good thing it's adorable, right?

Little Man,

This weekend was homecoming and we spoke of you often. When our friends and family ask about our lives, they naturally ask about you. I mean, you are a huge part of our lives, even though you're not here. And maybe not even born. We heard, over and over again, "We're rooting for you! We can't wait to hear about your little man coming home!"  I think you should really know how many people are missing you and praying for you and thinking of you even before you've entered the earth. We are so excited to have you join us!

We cheered the tigers to a victory this weekend and it was super fun. Each time we saw a little tiger costume or a cute little football hat I thought you probably needed it. Since I don't know how big you'll be when you get home, I am waiting to get you too many clothes. But when we know who you are, oh just you wait! You will be decked in black and gold for days and weeks:).

Love you, bubs. Praying for you!

Mom

Little Man Letter

Hi Little Man,

Not much to say today. I just wanted to let you know there's a certain song that's been rumbling along in my head all morning. It's a lullaby. I hope to sing it to you someday. Until then, I'll just keep thinking of that day I can sing it to you.

Love you, Little Man. How long do you want to be loved? Is forever enough?

Forever,

Mom

Little Man Monday

Hi Little Man,

My heart yearns for you more today than usual.  That's probably because I just got back from an adoption conference. It was pretty neat, you know? It was a bunch of mamas and daddies coming together to learn how to parent our little people (or people-to-be in your case).  Wow did I learn a lot.

Here's the thing, little guy. By the time you get to us, you will have faced more heartbreak and pain than I probably have in my entire life.  I don't think about that part often because it makes my heart hurt. But it's true. We don't know if your bio mama will have enough to eat every day as she carries you. We don't know if you will be snuggled and hugged like you so deserve as one of God's precious children. We don't know if you will be warm and safe each night.  We pray, little man, that you are. Your dad and I pray for you very often that you are protected and loved.  But, even with all that, things will be tough.  You will come to us from a hard place, in one way or another.  Whether we want to talk about it or not, this is your life. And our lives too.

And so, we learned this weekend, about ways we can love you well.  We want to love you well, Mr.  So I got in a car and drove with my friend and began the lifelong learning process of parenting.  And so I miss you.  Thinking about you all weekend made you seem further away.

I want you to know that we're going to screw this up. We're going to make poor choices.  I also want you to know we're going to try our hardest to apologize to you when it is needed. We'll re-do when we can. But, we're going to try so, so hard. We'll give you our best. And most importantly, I will pray to our heavenly father for the ability to parent you in the ways he knows you need.  We already do pray that.

Little man, it's almost unbearable to think about how far away you are--mentally, physically, chronologically. But we keep you in our prayers.

Alright, I need to go make dinner for your dad. You are beautiful and precious in our sight and we haven't ever seen you.  Just think of how much we'll love you when you are in our arms.

Love,

Mom

Little Man Monday

Hi Little Man,

Whew, Life has been busy!  Sometimes I worry so much about not worrying about you that it keeps me a little TOO busy!

I don't think I told you we went to visit your Uncle Mark and Aunt Kat a few weeks ago.  We got to see their city and even talk to them about Y-O-U. You know what's great about that? They are so excited to meet you.  Well, we all are. Let's just be honest.  We are so thrilled you'll be joining our little clan of crazies. Oh yes, it's true. We're all a little crazy.  You know what though? We love each other and we're going to love you like crazy. Get it? You will:).

While we were visiting, we went to a giant bookstore.  I couldn't go there without picking something up for you. I don't know if you have noticed, IC, but I try to grab something for you when I go somewhere.  This time, I picked up my favorite little person book.  It's called The Belly Button Book by Sandra Boynton.  It's pretty great. It's in your room waiting for you. I can't wait to read it to you!

I am headed to a conference this week where I get to meet other adoptive mamas. No doubt you will come up in conversation several times. After all, you are one of my favorite subjects!

Love you, little man. Thinking of you. Can't wait to add you to our home.

Mom

Little Man Monday

Hi Little Man,

I am sitting here watching the olympics and thinking of you.  We watched the opening ceremonies on Friday and, for the first time, we cheered for two countries during the parade of nations. It was really fun to watch Ethiopia walk by and think of you.  In my heart of hearts I am hoping you will be here with us the next time we watch the games in 2016. I know there's no guarantee.  It may be two olympics before I see you but I really hope not.  I really can't bear the thought of that.  I sure hope we are snuggling on our couch when the olympics are in Rio. Let's just pretend that's the case, ok?

Other than that, things here are life as usual. Dad started a new job. He likes it. I am debating between whether or not to start a project in your room.   I hung out with your friend Addy today. She is too funny--I know you are going to like her. We are looking forward to meeting one of your friends soon, as your "Aunt" Tracey from our small group will be having her little man or little lady any day now.  I love that we have so many friends waiting for you.  You'll have a whole playgroup waiting for you by the time you arrive.

Ok, Mister. I am off.  Love you. Praying for you.

Mom

Little Man Monday

Well hey, Little Man!

It's a Monday afternoon and I've been thinking all morning of what I would write you today.  I've been asked a lot lately what we know of you and when you are arriving. We don't know anything about you yet, including when you will arrive. Sometimes it's hard to answer these questions because I want to be at the point where I can tell them all about you or show them your picture. Alas, your picture may not even yet exist.  You know what's great though, Little Man? They truly want to know you. They want to be a part of your life and a part of your story. And even better? Almost every single one of these conversations ends by our friends and family saying they are praying for you.  You have quite the entourage praying for you!  I know the Lord hears every one of those prayers and he knows how desperately our family and community want you at home. And he'll bring you here, at just the right time.

Today in Ethiopia it is currently 61 degrees.  That sound lovely, Little Man. Here? Well, here it's 102. Yes, 102.  And i's been that way for a really long time.  Today's my day off and I am hunkered down inside, staying out of the heat.  And while Ethiopia is about to enter the rainy season, it hasn't really rained here in months.  The constantly changing, super different weather is just one example of how life will be really different when you arrive here.  Some things are obvious and others I am sure we won't realize til you get here. That's one of the reasons we'll cocoon at home until you've been here a little while--it will give us all a little time to get used to the differences.  Yes, all of us.

Life will be different for me too. Way different. Take today for example.  I just woke up from a nap.  My naps will probably be in short supply when you arrive.  As will my sleep at night.  You know what, though? I just can't wait. Even with all the changes I really look forward to how you will come in and turn our lives (and our hearts) upside down. We will never be the same. For the best.

Alright, sweat pea. I'll see you. Well, sometime.  Until then, we just pray and dream.

Love,

Mom

Little Man Monday

Good Morning, Little Man!

It's early on a Monday morning and I am already thinking of you.  Your dad and I went on a run this morning and a dad with a jogging stroller passed by us.  Your stroller is sitting empty in our garage, waiting for you. Oh I can't tell you how I long to have you in that stroller. And yet, I am a little nervous. I mean, I am not so strong. I may need to start lifting weights or borrow our friends' kids to try to prepare myself for the extra struggle. Then again, maybe I'll just make Dad push you.

I watched a video this morning of another family from our agency bringing their daughter home and I must say it was so emotional. I really can't even imagine what that day will feel like, when this paperwork is done. When the months and years have passed and finally have a picture of you in our hands.  When we've met you and cried and left you and cried like I can't even imagine. When we wait and pray and wait and maybe get a little angry. When we get that email that you are cleared to come home and we pack up to bring you home for good. When I get to hold you, knowing that I won't have to leave you ever again because you are coming home to occupy your room and be a part of our forever family.  Son, it's too much.  Too much.  The day is coming and I keep reminding myself that when you are ten and running through Hy Vee or when you are fifteen and I am watching you play football this wait will feel so brief.  Even if it doesn't feel that way today.

I may go sit in your room today. Somehow it feels a little closer to you. I know you don't even know a room designated as yours even exists.  So we'll pray that you know you are loved by a family here. That your birth family knows.  That you and I will be united soon.

I love you, son. I can't wait to bring you home.  Even if the wait is long.

Love,

Your Mom