Monday, September 17, 2012

Little Man Monday

Hi Little Man,

My heart yearns for you more today than usual.  That's probably because I just got back from an adoption conference. It was pretty neat, you know? It was a bunch of mamas and daddies coming together to learn how to parent our little people (or people-to-be in your case).  Wow did I learn a lot.

Here's the thing, little guy. By the time you get to us, you will have faced more heartbreak and pain than I probably have in my entire life.  I don't think about that part often because it makes my heart hurt. But it's true. We don't know if your bio mama will have enough to eat every day as she carries you. We don't know if you will be snuggled and hugged like you so deserve as one of God's precious children. We don't know if you will be warm and safe each night.  We pray, little man, that you are. Your dad and I pray for you very often that you are protected and loved.  But, even with all that, things will be tough.  You will come to us from a hard place, in one way or another.  Whether we want to talk about it or not, this is your life. And our lives too.

And so, we learned this weekend, about ways we can love you well.  We want to love you well, Mr.  So I got in a car and drove with my friend and began the lifelong learning process of parenting.  And so I miss you.  Thinking about you all weekend made you seem further away.

I want you to know that we're going to screw this up. We're going to make poor choices.  I also want you to know we're going to try our hardest to apologize to you when it is needed. We'll re-do when we can. But, we're going to try so, so hard. We'll give you our best. And most importantly, I will pray to our heavenly father for the ability to parent you in the ways he knows you need.  We already do pray that.

Little man, it's almost unbearable to think about how far away you are--mentally, physically, chronologically. But we keep you in our prayers.

Alright, I need to go make dinner for your dad. You are beautiful and precious in our sight and we haven't ever seen you.  Just think of how much we'll love you when you are in our arms.



Wednesday, September 12, 2012

I Fought the Mouse and the Mouse Won

To begin this story, I must go back to Saturday night. After a long, sad loss to Georgia, I crashed in bed only to dream a super creepy dream about my white boxer coming to see me with a white mouse running around in her mouth. Running. Around.  UGH! It was very gross and it was one of those dreams where you wake up saying, "Thank goodness this was not real!"

So on Monday I went in to work. I usually take Mondays off but I am headed to the Empowered to Connect conference (please tell me if you are going--I want to see you!!) on Thursday so I wanted to get some extra work done. As my coworker Tanya was in the doorway speaking with me, I heard a rustling in the back of my office.  I asked her if she heard it but we both just chalked it up to my dream making me paranoid. We talked about dreams for a while, laughed it off, and Tanya went back to the back of the office where she works.

It could not have been ten minutes later that I was writing my "to do" list when I heard something. I looked over my left shoulder and, lo and behold, dark, beady eyes stared at me from the front of a brown gray, small little mouse body.

I jumped up screaming, "There IS a mouse! There IS a mouse!!!!!!"  Yes, I was a little overwhelmed.  And here's the best part: I am not a squeamish girl. I like snakes. I don't get freaked out by spiders. I used (and accidentally killed one or two) mice for biology lab experiments in college. But there was something completely disarming about a mouse running toward me.  Oh my goodness I have never felt like such a baby.  Of course the guys from the office come swarming.  One actually said, "I legitimately thought you got punched or stabbed." Um, whoops?

I wouldn't go back into my office the rest of the day.  I saw Speedy Gonzales two more times but despite our best mouse-catching efforts (which included a plastic tub, a highlighter, a golf club, and Reese Fastbreak as bait) we did not catch him.  We did, however, find his little trail (read: poop) all over the student ministry office. Talk about gross!

Because I like you all and I have no shame (and because one of the guys thought he would be funny to turn on his phone camera), I bring you, my reaction to the mouse:

We didn't see him today but I don't think we've seen the last of Speedy. As several people told me: there's never just one mouse.  Oh mice, I didn't used to have a phobia. You cured me of that, to be sure.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Little Man Monday

Hi Little Man,

Whew, Life has been busy!  Sometimes I worry so much about not worrying about you that it keeps me a little TOO busy!

I don't think I told you we went to visit your Uncle Mark and Aunt Kat a few weeks ago.  We got to see their city and even talk to them about Y-O-U. You know what's great about that? They are so excited to meet you.  Well, we all are. Let's just be honest.  We are so thrilled you'll be joining our little clan of crazies. Oh yes, it's true. We're all a little crazy.  You know what though? We love each other and we're going to love you like crazy. Get it? You will:).

While we were visiting, we went to a giant bookstore.  I couldn't go there without picking something up for you. I don't know if you have noticed, IC, but I try to grab something for you when I go somewhere.  This time, I picked up my favorite little person book.  It's called The Belly Button Book by Sandra Boynton.  It's pretty great. It's in your room waiting for you. I can't wait to read it to you!

I am headed to a conference this week where I get to meet other adoptive mamas. No doubt you will come up in conversation several times. After all, you are one of my favorite subjects!

Love you, little man. Thinking of you. Can't wait to add you to our home.