Tuesday, August 30, 2011

The Calm

Well if the weekend was the wild (and let me tell you--two states, four major cities, and nine hours of driving definitely allows it to fall into the wild category), this week is the calm. Grocery shopping at Aldi followed by making dinner and watching Bachelor Pad yesterday. At home. For once. Yes, I owe my husband big. Tonight, I cooked a pretty fab meal if I do say so myself and gathered paperwork to send off tomorrow (!!!) (yes, I plan to talk more once I've sent it) followed by a trip to the neighbors for doggy play date. And then there's now. Blogging and watching Tangled. I have some fun things scheduled for the rest of the week. And work is keeping me busy but it's pretty boring to blog about so I'll just tell you, yes, I still work. Mostly, though, it's a great week to sit on our couch.

I reflect often about how blessed we are to have this extended time to share together as a couple. Yes, we know the wait for IC** is long. Yes, we know we will be tired. And mad. And frustrated. And more tired. But we also know we are supposed to be happy in our present. Man, are we ever happy. This time--the couple time--the babymoon if you will, is just fantastic. There are few things that give me more joy than picturing that man next to me (it's hubs if you need it spelled out) as a dad. But you know what? He's also a pretty great husband. So I will let him be the best he can be at that while I try to be the best wife. And in His time (sing the childhood hymn if you know it) we will get to share in the joys and trials of being mommy and daddy.

Tonight though? Tonight it's enough to be doggy mommy and daddy. And the best couch-resters this town's ever seen.

**Imaginary Child

Monday, August 29, 2011

Little Man Monday

Hey IC,

I thought of you a lot this weekend. We heard from our social worker and we should get our home study in the mail tomorrow.  That gets us one step closer to you. We're excited.

We spent yesterday evening with our small group talking about you and what it will be like when we get you home.  We know it's a long time before we'll see you but we are still so excited. We pray for you often.  Our small group is excited about you, too.  As soon as we get out of our attachment cocoon (the time we'll spend at home with you just learning to be a family), I know you're going to love small group time. You will have instant friends and depending on a lot of factors, they may be really close to your age.

This weekend I also met a momma whose daughter is from your country.  It made me shed happy tears for when I get to hold a picture of you.  She told me that every second we wait for you is from God, that the minute we get to hold your picture in our hands we will know all the waiting was worth it.  I know that's true, IC, and I pray you will have people loving you and holding you and sharing Christ with you until we get to bring you home.

Little IC, I look forward to talking to you again next Monday.  I live in a weird feeling--being so excited to see you and know you and trying not to get stuck in the future. We love you and we pray for you often.  We pray the Lord will bring you to us quickly.


Sunday, August 28, 2011


I struggle to start this post.  It's been three months since one of the most devastating tornadoes in US history touched down in my state.  Three months of seeing the destruction in the news.  Three months of hearing the stories, the hopeful and the downright terrifying.  Like most, I've wanted to help. I've also been scared to help. And mostly, I had no idea how to help.  So when my town announced they would be doing a one-day bus trip this weekend to assist in cleanup I hesitated.  Then I signed up.  I packed well for my one-day trip--water, sunscreen, close-toed shoes, and sunglasses to hide my tears.  I had no idea what our seven buses and several carloads of people would find.  You hear it's better.  You hear people are moving on, starting school, building houses.  I struggle to imagine how that works.  You also hear there's lots to do. I'm here to tell you all those statements are true.

We arrived at the buses at 3:50 a.m.  Four and a half hours later, seven hundred of us arrived at our four different volunteer sites.  Hubs, my mom, and I chose to go to the school site. We were told we would assist with cleaning debris at a school.  After being debriefed at Missouri Southern State University, we were whisked off to East Middle School.  On the way there, it was hard to tell what had been cleared and what was just empty all along.  It did seem things were moving--houses with walls.  Business with "grand opening" signs.  As we arrived at our work site, though, it almost looked like the storm had just happened.  We were told the school had only been open for one year.  It cost $18 million to build.  It suffered $14 million in damages.  Walls were torn off the school and debris was everywhere. We were given a mask, some gloves, and a good supply of trash bags and told to pick up what we could.  I remember, with the first bag, feeling I could stand in the same spot all day in the 100 degree heat and still not get all the pieces of people's lives and belongings.  Until noon, I fought the heat while I picked up roof shingles, textbook pieces, drywall, wall support, and other random objects.  Debris cleanup is fancy for trash pickup, if you were wondering.  More than 200 of us filled hundreds of bags and felt helpless in the heaps of rubble.  I could look around and see most people like me--filling a bag and then standing in disbelief that there was still this much to do.

Noon brought sandwiches and much needed relief from the sun.  I found myself sick from the sun and heat and unable to continue.  Luckily it was right then one of the Americorp leaders asked a few of us to go to another site. This site was high priority and happened to also be air conditioned.  We arrived at a school where one of the early childhood instructors had a look of relief at our arrival.  We worked in the afternoon to put together classrooms, a cafeteria, and other instruction areas.  The area had become high priority when the early childhood department was told on Friday afternoon they had to be relocated to temporary trailers so their permanent area could be used to house high school students.

It was hard not to melt as I heard the instruction-giver tell the story of standing, crying in disbelief on Friday afternoon as they threw all her classroom materials into boxes and told her the "new" classroom needed to be ready by Monday.  She kept telling us how thankful she was for the volunteers.  She didn't care where things went in the trailer--someone was helping her.  It was nice to see the instant gratification of the classroom taking shape--almost the exact opposite of the debris cleanup.  This was also the first and only time I was fortunate enough to talk to someone living through the rebuild.  Her gratefulness was overwhelming, her stories more so.  Stories of young men feeling a force throw them out of a bathtub, only to find the bathtub gone when the storm passed.  Stories like the man who found the only wall remaining in his apartment had a painting of a dove sitting in a cove of a waterfall with the caption "shelter from the storm."  We left in mid afternoon, drove through town and cried some more.

There is still so much to be done. There is also a great deal of hope.  Ninety-five percent of students were in classes when they began two weeks ago.  Forty-eight thousand volunteers have assisted the city in cleanup and rebuilding.  Supplies and volunteers continue to pour in, but there are challenges too.  More than 1,000 homes need rebuilt.  Four schools were destroyed.  Some homes and schools wait vacantly for Haz-Mat teams due to asbestos.  I will not forget my experience but more importantly, I will not forget Joplin in my prayers.  Please don't forget Joplin.  They need us still.  In prayers. In volunteering.  In monetary support.  If you want to go but don't know how, contact Americorp for information on how to be of most assistance.

I feel like I did nothing but I also know it was worth it.  For every moment the heat beat me down, I worried I wasn't doing enough.  But Joplin has a few more trash bags filled with debris. And one early childhood teacher changed my life forever. I pray she felt our difference in her heart as well.

"I am only one, but still I am one.  I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do." Helen Keller

"Share with the Lord's people who are in need.  Practice hospitality." Romans 12:13

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

I Like to Ride My Bicycle

Today I had a couple of firsts.  First on the firsts list, I went to an auction--the surplus auction at the university. My parking space is about 1/2 a mile from my office so I decided I needed a bike.  After perusing Craigs List and realizing people on Craigs List like their bikes way too much and have no intention of selling them (based on the prices) someone told me about the Surplus Auction. I was told they sell bikes super cheap and there aren't usually too many people there.  I figured I'd take an hour, find a bike I liked, and end up with a bike fit for my mission at a good price.

The people who told me about the auction--they had one out of two correct. Yes, there were tons of bikes and they went for relatively cheap prices. But the people? Hundreds! Mostly handy men looking for scrap metal or dressers for an apartment complex they oversee.  Let me tell you, when I showed up in my black cotton dress from Ann Taylor Loft, cute beaded headband, and silk tiger print scarf, I stuck out a little.  OK. A lot.

I tried to look at all the bikes and figure out which one I might like.  The auction people--they were like bees swarming honey. I could barely tell what was there, let alone what I wanted. Let me also let you know the last bike I owned was seafoam green with a hot pink seat and purple handlebars.  Yes. I am a bike expert.

So, the auction starts and I realize (after buddying up with some gruff men in their fifties to get the lowdown) that I don't have a number. I run in and the first group of bikes is already gone. The men laughed.  I was a bit sad because those seemed like the best lot but figured I still had literally at least a hundred bikes to go so I was bound to find one.

If you have been to an auction, forgive my ignorance. They have a "lot" of bikes. They bid and when you win, you pick your favorite(s) from the lot and pay, per bike, what you won the auction at.  They go quickly. And since I had no idea what I wanted, I was a little lost.  So, after watching one lot go, I bid one at $25, closed my eyes, and picked a bike.

I am the proud owner of a men's, multiple speed Murray mountain bike with a rusted chain and tires that need air.  Friends, I have a bike.

I also have a dent in my car.

That's right. I went to put my bike in my car and realized someone had hit my driver's side door. I was devastated.  Now my cheap bike was about to cost me hundreds of dollars, not to mention the heat was killing my fashion and I was sweating like a pig.  Anyway, I drove back to work, finished my day, came home, and Hubs noticed I had a note on my windshield. It wasn't a hit and run after all!! I attempted to call the number to no avail but I left a message. Here's hoping Mr. Surplus Auction will have my damage paid for.

Second of my firsts: I taught my first class!

Yes friends, I have a syllabus. That says "professor" and then my name.  It's a little bit of a lie--I'm more of a class facilitator than professor but I'll take it.  First day highlights included:

--at least three students asking "do I HAVE to take this class?!"
--singing (or sing/humming) "The Final Countdown" in front of the whole class
--accidentally forgetting to include a student in an exercise

All in all, though, I would say the first day was a success!

Here's to firsts. I'm off to dinner...

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Home studies and Tigers and Films--Oh My

The next few weekend we're trying this approach that can only be described as "try to cram as much as possible in two one measly weekend."  This approach began this weekend and so far, it's exhausting but rewarding. The disclaimer is that I intended to take tons of pictures. I have three.

Friday, we went on a pup walk. Gabby is finally getting old enough that she's able to sort of walk on a leash.  Sort of because Hubs still has to douse her leash in lemon juice. She tries to eat it and then looks at us with this gross taste on her tongue and a look of disbelief. It's two parts hilarious, one part sad, and one part satisfying that we're finally teaching her something. Thirty minutes later, we all crashed and tried to get as much sleep as possible before the 5am alarm went off to signal us to the next big thing.

We arrived early (8am!!) for breakfast and social work.  The rest of the home study process made me nervous but having to read someone else's observations on Hubs and was the cherry on the odd home study cake. Everything she said was so kind and I was so appreciative. It's just--who of us is used to reading super kind, glowing remarks from someone you met six months ago about your life, finances, marriage, and ability to parent.  It was beautiful and awkward all at once.  We thanked her for our approval and headed off.  If you are wondering, yes, we are one meeting closer to bringing IC home.  We should be doing our next big paperwork submission this week (hopefully).  So, after leaving our social worker, an hour (and one Trader Joe's trip) later we were back at home prepping for our next adventure.  Because we hate sleep. And rest. And time just to watch our BRAND NEW dvr.  Instead we decided to volunteer for an outdoor film festival and bike ride.

In the rain.

Really, though, it wasn't too rainy. And we saw a great film called Last Days Here, a film that made me glad I am neither into drugs nor rock and roll.  Still, it was a great documentary. The festival also had some of the best "picnic" fare I've ever eaten.  Never before have I been to a picnic with seared pork loin.  Maybe never again.  And as a true surprise to everyone, we got to see some great pyrotechnics before the film began.

All in all it was a beautiful night by the river. I'd like to give a shout-out to the bugs who ate me alive. I've always wanted polka-dot legs.  Jk.
For our final attempt at cramming as much as possible into one weekend, after church, we went to the grand tradition at Mizzou: Tiger Walk. All the freshies walk through the columns to signify their entrance into this grand institution. We (the staff, community and alums) wear matching t-shirts, cheer, and feed them ice cream.  This time, we also got to be bouncers and keep the freshies in their place until the tradition began. I, being of the perfect bouncer stature, was naturally good at this job.  

Oddly, I got a bit nostalgic, remembering that day NINE (say it ain't so!) years ago when I walked across in my sorority t-shirt and ate my very own ice cream.  And Sunday, I enjoyed the time with Hubs instead of a bunch of women I had just met but planned to be lifelong friends.

Yup, it was fun nine years ago but it was pretty darn good today.  I would say we had a  successful jam-packed weekend.  We'll see about the weekend to come.

Shout-out and thanks to everyone who prayed for and thought of us during our home study. We'll get our official copy in the mail (hopefully) this week!  It's fast and slow all at the same time. And so goes adoption.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Little Man Monday

Hello Little IC,

We had our final meeting with our social worker and we're getting excited about sending our documents over to the country where you live. It should be soon.  I think about you more and more often. I wonder if you are here yet--on earth. Either way, you're in my heart.  We went to Tiger Walk yesterday and I wondered how many more Tiger Walks before you'd be with us.  I wonder if you'll be old enough to run around the quad with the other kids or if I'll have you in a carrier.  I can't wait to introduce you to our town and all the fun things we do.  We are staying busy while we wait for you and I'm definitely thinking of plans for your arrival.  And of course your room!

On Sundays at church we play with a room full of kids about your age. They wander around and smile at me and ask me about their mommies.  I know you will do the same and I wonder how long it will be before you ask me about your other mommy.  I pray the Lord gives me the answers when you ask.  You're going to like church, but we'll have to wait a while before we go.  All the books say you will need some time to be ours before we can share you.  Frankly, I am just fine not sharing you.  Plus our church streams service now. We may just stay at home for a while, you and me. I'll dress you up and we'll watch church and run around the house with the puppies.

I want to talk to you more but lots and lots of college kids are asking me questions so I have to go talk to them. I miss you, before I even know you. 


P.S. We sang a song at church on Sunday that made me think of you. God tells us "do not fear my child, I'll come back for you, to take you home." I pray you know the same about us, little one. And I shed tears for you. But (relatively) soon you will be home and the tears will turn to joy.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Midweek Shuffle

I've struggled on what to write this week because I am not sure Hubs and my commitment to eating leftovers and watching Wheel of Fortune and episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation would really pull in the reader base. Regardless, we've been having a good week relaxing and not actually cleaning up the garage sale remains like we should have.

Monday was spent like every Monday: hiding my head in shame while enjoying the Bachelor Pad with millions around the US and about five of my favorite ladies here in town.  We know it's trash. We know we shouldn't watch.  We watch with glee each week--with delicious treats and the finest champagne any gal can buy for $4. We're high class like that.  But seriously, we've watched every season of anything Chris Harrison has hosted for about four years now.  Our group has changed over the years but our mission has not: to enjoy bad TV with good company.  We hope to do this for years to come.

Tuesday, well, who can really remember Tuesday? Ah yes, we got in a great run in the morning and after a long day of telling students no classes they wanted were available and they may not cut it in our major, I came home to a little R&R with the man.  An episode of Cupcake Wars and Chopped later, we were sound asleep.  I know you think I am making up the excitement that makes up our lives but it's really this amazing.  Please feel free to come enjoy our lifestyle of the rich and famous any time.

Yesterday, we did actually do something worth mentioning! No, I'm not talking about dropping pizza on my dress pants at work or dropping my punch cup in front of our faculty members (who thought I fell and was very concerned--no worries, I dropped it for no good reason).  Hubs and I got to enjoy some time with a great campus ministry. We handed out Sno Cones and shared in the fun of welcoming kids back and inviting them to worship.  So fun!!  And then, to cap of our evening, we had wine with one of our fave couples and talked about being parents and the terrifying adventure that is.

Yup, pretty exciting friends. Stay tuned for tomorrow's recap, where you will learn about what the prize puzzle was today.  Just kidding. Maybe.  Either way, these are the days of our lives.  The everyday moments:).

Saturday, August 13, 2011

One More Reason to Love 13.

First, let me update and say Gabby seems to be doing well.  She rested much of the day but played in the backyard this evening and seems to be feeling much better.  Sorry for my terrified, complaining tone yesterday. I am thankful to say we didn't have to go back to the vet today and it looks like she is going to pull through this bug.

We had the second garage sale this weekend.  Wow--did God bless our socks off!  Let me start by saying Hubs and I were kind of blown away when we realized the garage sale (which was set up by the neighborhood--we didn't pick the date) was on the 13th.  If you haven't heard me talk about it before, 13 continues to hold significance to our family.  We've had several big things happen with 13s.  Several we've planned (like our wedding).  Others just happened that way--like our house number, the day our house was inspected, and the day we started our new jobs after we got married.  Anywho, we knew it was a good sign the garage sale was on the 13. We prayed the Lord would make people show. And, of course, we advertised.  We were blessed with tons of friends who gave us stuff to sell, as well as tables to sell things on.  I felt a little overwhelmed last night when I went to bed but I woke up ready to get some stuff out of my garage.

So today we stayed busy all morning. Our first customer came at 6:20 and we had people until 30 minutes after we closed "officially."  We sold lots of things, as well as all the cupcakes I had made for the event.  It was overwhelming in a good way.  When everything was said and done, I counted up our money.  We had  $600.30.  Pretty amazing!  Then, as we were dragging tables in, someone came and bought one more item.  $603.30.  As we were finishing up I realized I had one customer the night before, as I mentioned on the blog earlier.  Wouldn't you know it?  She had purchased $10 in items.  So, that left us with a grand total of exactly $613.30.


I can't make this up people.

You may say it's no big deal. Or maybe you do say I made it up.  But no.  Exactly $613.30.  We believe God sends us thirteens sometimes to show us He is in control and he cares for us.  Nothing could have shown this more through the adoptive process.  I mentioned yesterday even I was feeling overwhelmed, like I was battling just to get this paperwork done. And I would be lying if I said I never worried about how we would pay for all of this.  Today, God said clearly to us that He started us on this path and He is still in control.  You may say otherwise but I know what I know.

Thank you to our friends and your faithfulness to our cause.  We are so loved and so is the IC.

We are one step closer to submitting our paperwork.  We can't wait to wait!

Friday, August 12, 2011

When life gives me lemons, it buys in bulk

This week has been, um, trying. And not the normal kind of trying.  The weird kind where you look back and you're like, "wow. that was a lot of things stacked up at one time."

I mean, it's not been all difficult.  We've had some real blessings, like the fact that our dossier cover sheet and one other document were officially state certified.  What is state certification? My mom explained it best when she said it's the Secretary of State "notarizing the notary."  You send it away with money (of course) and they send it back with proof that your notary really is a notary--a shiny cover sheet with the state seal.  You know, to weed out all those counterfeit notaries. Shady counterfeit notaries. For shame.

I also mentioned we set up our final home study.  And of course that blasted document.  Yes, God has truly shown himself to us this week.

We've also had some, um, challenges.  I say it with an um each time because realistically, we are still blessed beyond compare.  But it's just, things just kind of stacked up this week.  I mean, I don't know if you believe in spiritual warfare.  But this week. Well, when good stuff happens, sometimes, bad stuff happens too.

It started with that friendly visit to the ER. Yes, that was thrilling.

Then we were told we had to get new tires.  Because, you know, we were hoping to find some random way to spend money.

Then, the final straw. I came home tonight with a car full of donations for our garage sale.  Our friends have loaded us up! We are praying people show up tomorrow.  I go into the house and it hits me--the smell.  of. puppy.  Not the good smell, my friends.  The smell that you know something really, really bad has exploded in your house.  Sure enough.  Explosion.  Near the puppy cage where darling Gabby was being held.  Friends, I will spare you those deets.  Let's just say, there were lots of things wrong with the scene I came home to.  I was trying to clean her cage, and got pretty worried looking at the remains of her afternoon.  I called the vet and she said I needed to come in.  Immediately.

So, I rounded up my once white, now red and brown, puppy.  Tried not to cry. And headed to the vet.  Dr. Dorr, aka, the nicest woman on the face of the planet, saw us immediately.  Gabs was energetic, a sign she said was good.  She was running a fever and we were told this meant she had an infection. So, she loaded her up with fluids, gave instructions with several medications, and told us to come back in the morning if we had a rough night.  She couldn't tell yet if it was serious or just a bad bug.  Oh, and she shouldn't be left alone.

Alone?  Ok, one, we have stuff to price, arrange, and prep for our garage sale all night.  Two, we were supposed to BE at the garage sale all tomorrow.  Not at the vet. And definitely not staring at our puppy inside all day.

She's been laying on our bed all day.  And for the record, she somehow jumped on our bed for the first time ever tonight.  Somehow she was tired but motivated enough for the big jump.  She's now sleeping on our other puppy.  We are hoping she's just making a speedy recovery. Because I love her. And also, the vet again? It's not my idea of a good Saturday.

So, yeah, a few things. But you know what? We are still blessed.  My belly is full.  So is my house--with friends, family, and pets.  Even if they are sick.

I'll keep you posted on the sale. Have a good weekend!

Thursday, August 11, 2011

That's What Thursdays Are Made Of

So, working. Yes, working.  It's what I did for the majority of the day. And I am really REALLY trying to live out Proverbs 12:16, as pointed out by Beth Moore.  What does it say? "A fool shows annoyance at once."  Yes, I am THAT girl--the girl who gets annoyed by everyone and everything at work.  But, the work day went fairly quickly.  I got to skype with a baby, after all.  Well, make that the baby's momma. But still. The baby was there, thick curly hair and all:).

Garage sale prep is in full swing at our house.  We put kids and adult clothes on tables, separated by size for most of the evening.  My faithful brother also took his truck and picked up tables, clothes, and a play center.  He's a rockstar.  All this preparation is kind of fun!  It's a long journey but we've already had our first customer!  I plan to also make cake pops for the sale. Good times

I should point out that as I'm writing this, Hubs looked up from losing at a particular point of Mario and made the umpire's "safe" motion while yelling "We're selling the Wii!"  I think he's half kidding.  But it is a garage sale kind of week at our house.  I kind of like the wii so I think I'm going to go talk him down now...

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Letter to the IC and a Little Update

Hello IC,

You may be imaginary to others, but you are very real to me (even though you may not even be alive yet). I wanted to tell you about how great your Dad is and how much he can't wait to meet you.  He's pretty much the best dad ever, even though you're not here yet.  He's pretty great to me, too.  I know he's planning all the exciting things you'll do together, like play ultimate frisbee and go to the park and ride bikes. In the meantime, though, he's spoiling me until he can spoil you. Take yesterday, for example. I mentioned on twitter I was cold and wanted some hot chocolate and he showed up at my door 30 minutes later with some surprise hot chocolate just for me.  Don't think he won't do the same for you, Little IC.  You will like hot chocolate, I promise. More importantly, though, I really think you and Dad will have a special relationship.  Each day he looks more and more forward to spending time with you, reading you books and being silly with you.  We can't wait.  We love you way more than you can even fathom.  And your Father in Heaven loves you even more than we do, which is impossible to even think about.

Much Love,


Aside from thanking Hubs for being awesome, last night was spent playing Mario and getting stuff ready for our next fundraiser.  We are doing another garage sale on Saturday and I am looking forward to it!  We're getting close to needing to spend some of this money for some major adoption expenses soon.

Big news, BTW.  Remember **that one document**? Well, it's here!  We have our third and final home study visit scheduled for a week from Wednesday. We're getting very close to finishing our "paper pregnancy." Of course, I'll give you updates as they are available.

Weird post, I know, but get used to em..  I was inspired by Kristyn wrote to her very own little man (and still does) and frankly, it just feels right. I think I'll try to keep writing to him on here, in the spirit of a few posts ago.  Alright, I'm out...

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Change is Eminent

Sometimes you make change because things are going wrong.

Sometimes, though, you make change because things are just so great, you feel supported and comfortable enough to do things differently.



**the hair that suffered** (and went to Locks of Love)

Change is good.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Some Days Are More Eventful Than Others

**Alternately titled my unexplained trip to the ER

Saturday started like any other day.  Better than any other day really. I slept a super long time. I woke up and Hubs had made me breakfast. I posted on the blog and read others' posts.  I enjoyed some quality time at home and prepped for our garage sale next weekend. Really, quite a fabulous Saturday.

It all took a turn for the weird around 3pm. Hubs and I decided to go to the store to grab a few things. As I got out of the car, I was having some lower abdominal pain.  Just weird pain.  No big deal, really.  Hubs asked if I wanted to go home, and I refused. We were already there--might as well get what we came for. Well, about 2 steps in the door, I had to sit. I asked him to get me a water and I told him I was going to go to the bathroom to throw up.  I ran in the door, coughed and threw up a little and suddenly felt like death.  It was as if all the heat had drained from my body and I suddenly felt cold, clammy, and absolutely awful. For you Harry Potter fans, I imagine this is what it feels like when a dementor is in the same room as you.  Yes, I am a nerd.  I questioned how I was going to make it out of the bathroom to get to Hubs.  Things started to go black.  I tried to wash my hands as quickly as possible, and as I passed by the mirror, I noticed I looked as bad as I felt--white and sick.  **Side note, I am pretty sure the woman helping her daughter wash her hands thought I was a drug addict.  I tried to apologize as I ran out of the bathroom. If you are reading this, Lady, I am not, nor have I ever been on drugs.  So sorry to have ruined your trip to the store.**

I made it out of the bathroom, caught Hubby's eye, and laid down on a metal bench to try and collect myself.  Hubs came over with water and mentioned something about going to the hospital. I refused, asking him just to get me home.  He tried to say he'd carry me but I said I would attempt to walk.  Ten steps later I laid down ON THE FLOOR OF WAL-MART.  One, I am embarrassed to say we were even there but we needed school supplies and it seemed like a good place.  I hate it but it is what it is.  Two, ladies, you know I had to have felt pretty darn awful if I were to subject myself to those germs.

So, there I was, lying on the floor by the Old Man Greeter, and Hubs left this woman he'd never met to watch me.  I have, at this point, lost all the feeling in my hands and face and pretty much feel like death. He ran to get the car and meanwhile, Rando Wal-Mart Lady and her husband, Old Man Greeter, and Store Manager What's-His-Face are all continually asking me questions and gathered around me.  They kept asking me my symptoms but I could barely talk. Despite this, I tried to answer calmly, trying to prove to them I am not some sort of crazy addict jonesing for who knows what.  Hubs finally arrived to tell me the car is outside.

The car is sort of a blur.  I still felt like crap. I remember praying.  I remembering having no idea where we were but Hubs did ask me which ER I wanted to go to.  He called ahead and they said to bring me on in.  By the time we got there, the 15 minutes in the car on my side has helped and I could sort of feel my fingers.  I still was shaking a little and felt not the best but I tried to convince him, as he put me in the wheelchair, that I should just go back home.  Hubs, being a concerned husband, convinced me to stay.

So, two hours, five vials of blood, an EKG, two paramedics, one EMT, a nurse, and a doc later, no one had, nor do they now have, any idea why my body did what it did.  Every test came out perfectly.  I will say this--they put an entire liter of fluid in me and I took it like a champ--didn't need to use the restroom or anything. So, at best guess, maybe I was dehydrated?

I apologized to Hubs a million times for wasting our time and money but he promised me he was really happier taking me to know every blood test was OK than worrying all day something was wrong.  Today, I feel worn out--like all my muscles hurt but I feel fine other than that.

So, there is the great tale of how I wasted time and money on a Saturday. I am blessed to feel fine. And no, all you Nosey Rosies, I am not, repeat--not--pregnant. They did test, just in case.

Best I can say, my body just felt odd and decided it needed fluids and rest.  So, I'm on the couch and intend to enjoy a day of rest.  I hope you do the same.  But if you can avoid it, don't go to the ER, ok? Just rest on your own terms:).

Saturday, August 6, 2011

The Everyday Moments

Last night, after finishing Russell Moore's book "Adopted for Life" at 9:00 (and waking up at 8:45a.m.--I am living it up I tell you) I was stirred. Deeply affected.  Well, not affected enough not to sleep, but I will admit my cheeks were a little tear-stained. In fact, the last two pages of the book moved me more than the rest of the book altogether.  I think this is because I understand the mechanics of adoption. I get how it works, the trials we will go through, the way it's ordained by my God. But what I wasn't prepared for was Moore's reflection back on his life and his son's beginning seven years later on his son's birthday.

Moore started thinking in his book about where he was on his sons' birthdays.  What was it like for his son? Was he immediately abandoned? Was he placed in a dirty place to sleep? Was his mom ok?  And what was Moore doing at that time?  He took good enough notes on his life to know that, on that day, he had worked on his dissertation most of the day.

That's when I decided--right then and there--that I must be blogging more about the mundane details of our life in this waiting space.  We try not to get too focused on the everyday wait for our son because we know we could have more than a year to go.  Yet, he could be born already or he could be born any day now.  Because of this, I want to start writing down our everyday life.  This is potentially the only piece of history I will have to look back on and say to IC "when you were born, we ate dinner and fell asleep at ten after I prayed for you" or "we were at church most of the day but we thought of you often." And I want to be able to give him that--to fit the pieces of what we were doing before he came to us.

So, up until this point I have not been an everyday moment blogger.  Partially because I don't think my everyday moments are that exciting and partially because they kind of just pass by without me thinking much of them.  However, I am really going to be more intentional about talking about our everyday. More boring for my readers? Maybe.  More important for historical reference for our family? I tend to think so.

Thanks for sticking through this wordy post. I am off to finish my coffee and baked pancake (Thanks, Hubs) while the man watches Star Trek incessantly.  I'll check you later.  Enjoy the everyday moments of your day!

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

The Pinterest Meanie

Pinterest fan, anyone? Me too.  I am finding most women my age are into Pinterest these days.  I love the collaborative feel over there, you know? The way everyone shares ideas and plans.  No one takes credit--we just all share. It's a pretty sweet community.  We applaud each other's taste, repin or "like" things we, too, find fascinating.  It's a pretty much a virtual pat-on-the-back community.  So imagine my surprise when I read my email a few weeks ago and realized I had a comment on one of my pins.

A derogatory comment.  Toward my religious beliefs.  I had posted a set of "family rules" that included Christian values and she didn't like it.  Not one bit.

Seriously?  I read it. I re-read it. I thought maybe she meant it some other way.  Maybe facetiously?  Nope, it was just downright mean.

Now, if you know me, or if you've read this blog for all of five seconds, you know my religious beliefs are no secret.  And I guess the thing I'd never realized about Pinterest is that ANYONE can see your pins--they don't have to follow you. Everything comes up on the live feed.  So, it really shouldn't have been a surprise that someone disagreed.  What was more surprising to me was that the person felt so strongly about it she needed to tell me I was wrong.

Two things really struck me about this whole thing:

1) I started looking into this person's comments and she continually made negative comments to people.  She did often complain about religious beliefs but she also criticized strangers for their taste in clothes, decorations, and pretty much anything else.  In fact, I only saw one positive comment.  And it made me sad for this woman. So I've been praying for her.  And praying that my own heart doesn't look like her comments--because I know deep down it does.  I may not be saying it on people's walls or to their faces. But I have opinions. Many. And sometimes, they're not nice.  Often.  So yeah, my heart is as gunky as her Pinterest posts.  Ouch.

2) I really had to think about whether this hurt me because her lack of faith in the God I know and love or because of her disagreement with ME.  And when I searched, I did find I was a little sad for her not knowing my savior. But I was more sad that we didn't agree.  It was all about me.  Not about her soul or our ability to share commonality. It was about me not being right in her eyes.  Double ouch.

If you're wondering, I never commented back.

I haven't been on Pinterest as much lately, and maybe it's because of the Pinterest Meanie.  I also learned, though, that Jesus can defend himself. I need to be more concerned about my ability to be kind and to truly live the gospel in a way that makes it appealing. So, Pinterest Meanie, you make me sad but I pray the Lord sends you Christians to help you see His truth.

And I pray the same for me.