Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Aw... Freak Out!

Well, if you know me, you know I am a bit of a Type-A, first-born, perfectionistic, control freak. Just a little bit. So, it was a little more than a small hit to my Super Power (the ability to control all) when I got an email from my grad studies interview day organizer. You see, for the past month, I have been organizing data for my interviews. I had a list of position I wanted. I organized the list in the order of how badly I wanted the position. I then made lists of skills I had that would benefit the position and skills I wanted to acquire that I could learn in the position. I had scoured websites, read every bit of info I could, and hired a professional investigator to background check my potential boss at every position. Well, no investigator, but you get my point. The email came at about 4:30 yesterday and Dr. H told me that three of the five positions I had settled on were not, in fact, available.

And then I heard God chuckle.

I however, was not chuckling. No, I was looking more like a character from one of those old Disney cartoons right before Mickey makes Donald so mad that his head turns red and the top flies off. Yes, I was Donald. I texted and emailed with fury. I debated and wrung my hands. And then, I got in the car with my husband and we went to dinner with Momma and my best friend. Because, after all, nothing solves problems like time with your Momma. Even at 25.

Dinner proved to be productive. Meg and I then headed to the mall, where all the dresses were too big, which also proved productive. I settled into bed for my last night with my Esther study, and I talked to God a little. Sometimes, you don't have to talk too much. Sometimes, God does all the talking. And what he said to me was, "Um, Lady, I love how you think your plans are better than mine and all but really? Really?" And that's all he needed to say. I fell asleep and woke to a much better attitude.

As Bro and I came in to work this morning, he asked if I was doing better with the whole situation, and I told him my revelation. Being mad was basically me saying that my plans were better than Gods plans. This is not a position I am comfortable taking. I would rather not be mad than try to be God. And thus, a lesson was learned.

A reminder to myself and my friends in blogworld: I am still a Type-A crazy. That probably won't go away from one lesson. But thank God that he crushed my little head yesterday. I have no idea what position I will receive on Friday. Heck, I may not be going back to grad school after all. But I know it's not my decision. And for that, I am thankful.

Here's to the big decisions being taken care of by the Big Guy.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Beautiful, Scandalous Night

Easter is miraculous. Such a joy. I was over at Beth Moore's blog the other day and her daughter, Melissa, was sharing her favorite Easter memories (that happened to be Palm Sunday). I got to thinking about what exactly my favorite part of Holy week is. Hands down, no question, I LOVE good Friday.

My brother drives me to work on days when Hubby goes to work early. We were on our way Friday and he said, "What is so good about good Friday!? I mean, it's filled with torture and death." True story. There's no way to deny the death and torture part of Christ's death. But to me, remembering the horrendousness of the act only reminds me of its importance. I could have nothing could, could be nothing good, and couldn't share the joy of my God without this awful day. How do you thank someone who was beat with a steel-tipped whip and killed next to criminals, all for you? Only through reverence and love.

As we worshipped with the congregation on Good Friday services, the tears just flowed. My Christ, my Savior was killed. He did it all for me. It's easy for me to think about it in the corporate sense--he did it for the whole world. But for me? That's more difficult. He so loved me that even as I was still a sinner--which is today, tomorrow, and the rest of my earthly life--he died for me. What an amazing God. What an amazing love. I'll never get it right. And I'll never do enough to right my wrongs. But because of the good act on Good Friday, I don't have to get it right. He who knew no sin became sin for me. Wow.

I am thrilled to be able to share Easter with my family. I can't wait to say, "He is risen! Christ the Lord is risen today!" It doesn't get better than the joy of resurrection. Without the death and mourning of our Christ, though, we'd never get to the celebration. And so I sit in the middle, between death and life today, thankful for both.

I love the image of the Smalltown Poet's Song "Beautiful, Scandalous Night." I will be savoring these words until sunrise tomorrow.

At the wonderful, tragic, mysterious tree
On that beautiful, scandalous night you and me
Were atoned by His blood and forever washed white
On that beautiful, scandalous night

May the Lord bless you on this Holy Weekend, no matter where you are in your life.

Here's to forgiveness.

Friday, April 3, 2009

G.P. Are You With Me?

So life has just been moving too fast to blog right now. And really, when life is moving too fast to blog, sometimes things aren't blog-ready to post yet. Nonetheless, I will do better. Promise.

I have felt pretty overwhelmed lately with all of these potential changes in my life, and it's been hard for me to comprehend. I get a little difficult to be around. As much as I want to embrace change, it really freaks the heck out of me. So, you can imagine that I was more than ready to hit up Bible study on Tuesday when the time came. I needed a little refreshment. I got to my table, hugged all my lady friends, and sat down, ready to be engrossed in Beth Moore's latest morsels of God's words. And what do you know? The study this week (through Esther: It's Tough Being A Woman) was about feeling like you are in charge of your world. In fact, it was specfically about how you are NOT in charge of your world. God gets that great responsibility. Ha! It literally brought tears to my eyes. Jeremiah 29:11 sounds so trite when I am in the middle of trying to figure out job/school/living arrangements/ etc. But hearing Beth speak of God's providence and how we just can't weigh ourselves down refreshed me in a way I truly needed. God does have the plans for me. Not to harm me. To give me hope. A future. A-mazing.

Sweet, precious Stellan is fighting hard and doing better Head over to pray if you haven't. He's even been on the news lately!

This weekend should be a little less stressful than usual, so hopefully I will have time to post.

Here's to refreshment.