Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Aw... Freak Out!

Well, if you know me, you know I am a bit of a Type-A, first-born, perfectionistic, control freak. Just a little bit. So, it was a little more than a small hit to my Super Power (the ability to control all) when I got an email from my grad studies interview day organizer. You see, for the past month, I have been organizing data for my interviews. I had a list of position I wanted. I organized the list in the order of how badly I wanted the position. I then made lists of skills I had that would benefit the position and skills I wanted to acquire that I could learn in the position. I had scoured websites, read every bit of info I could, and hired a professional investigator to background check my potential boss at every position. Well, no investigator, but you get my point. The email came at about 4:30 yesterday and Dr. H told me that three of the five positions I had settled on were not, in fact, available.

And then I heard God chuckle.

I however, was not chuckling. No, I was looking more like a character from one of those old Disney cartoons right before Mickey makes Donald so mad that his head turns red and the top flies off. Yes, I was Donald. I texted and emailed with fury. I debated and wrung my hands. And then, I got in the car with my husband and we went to dinner with Momma and my best friend. Because, after all, nothing solves problems like time with your Momma. Even at 25.

Dinner proved to be productive. Meg and I then headed to the mall, where all the dresses were too big, which also proved productive. I settled into bed for my last night with my Esther study, and I talked to God a little. Sometimes, you don't have to talk too much. Sometimes, God does all the talking. And what he said to me was, "Um, Lady, I love how you think your plans are better than mine and all but really? Really?" And that's all he needed to say. I fell asleep and woke to a much better attitude.

As Bro and I came in to work this morning, he asked if I was doing better with the whole situation, and I told him my revelation. Being mad was basically me saying that my plans were better than Gods plans. This is not a position I am comfortable taking. I would rather not be mad than try to be God. And thus, a lesson was learned.

A reminder to myself and my friends in blogworld: I am still a Type-A crazy. That probably won't go away from one lesson. But thank God that he crushed my little head yesterday. I have no idea what position I will receive on Friday. Heck, I may not be going back to grad school after all. But I know it's not my decision. And for that, I am thankful.

Here's to the big decisions being taken care of by the Big Guy.

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