Little Man Monday

Hi Little Man,

My heart yearns for you more today than usual.  That's probably because I just got back from an adoption conference. It was pretty neat, you know? It was a bunch of mamas and daddies coming together to learn how to parent our little people (or people-to-be in your case).  Wow did I learn a lot.

Here's the thing, little guy. By the time you get to us, you will have faced more heartbreak and pain than I probably have in my entire life.  I don't think about that part often because it makes my heart hurt. But it's true. We don't know if your bio mama will have enough to eat every day as she carries you. We don't know if you will be snuggled and hugged like you so deserve as one of God's precious children. We don't know if you will be warm and safe each night.  We pray, little man, that you are. Your dad and I pray for you very often that you are protected and loved.  But, even with all that, things will be tough.  You will come to us from a hard place, in one way or another.  Whether we want to talk about it or not, this is your life. And our lives too.

And so, we learned this weekend, about ways we can love you well.  We want to love you well, Mr.  So I got in a car and drove with my friend and began the lifelong learning process of parenting.  And so I miss you.  Thinking about you all weekend made you seem further away.

I want you to know that we're going to screw this up. We're going to make poor choices.  I also want you to know we're going to try our hardest to apologize to you when it is needed. We'll re-do when we can. But, we're going to try so, so hard. We'll give you our best. And most importantly, I will pray to our heavenly father for the ability to parent you in the ways he knows you need.  We already do pray that.

Little man, it's almost unbearable to think about how far away you are--mentally, physically, chronologically. But we keep you in our prayers.

Alright, I need to go make dinner for your dad. You are beautiful and precious in our sight and we haven't ever seen you.  Just think of how much we'll love you when you are in our arms.

Love,

Mom