Wednesday, June 19, 2013

It's a New Day...and I'm Feeling Good

Well it's been a week since I was released from the hospital! Happy day to me!

Things are starting to move toward "normal" except, well, my life is way more glamorous now.  For example:

*I have a chauffeur to take me everywhere I need to go. I just call and a car service shows up.
(shout out to Emily and Caitlin who have been amazing chauffeurs as I wait to be cleared to drive)

*I have gourmet meals delivered to my house.  I don't have to lift a finger!
(seriously, I am so spoiled. Thank you to everyone who has blessed our family in this way)

*My house is filled with fresh flowers in beautiful arrangements.

OK so really, we've been blessed by kindness of friends and family. But things are moving toward normal. No, I can't drive yet. But if I were my own doctor, I would TOTALLY clear myself for driving.  But this way does allow me more quality time with friends so I'm not complaining too much.

Sunday, I officially did housework for the first time. And by housework I mean I made a cake. But for me, baking is a great source of stress relief. Eric told me he knew I was on the mend when he saw me softening butter in the microwave.  No, I didn't have the energy to make the icing and my mom made it instead. One step at a time, people.

Sunday my mom also went home, meaning I've been at home during the day my myself. By myself I mean with 4 dogs (we are keeping a couple extras this week). So don't worry, I'm not lonely.  It was such a blessing to have my mom around. But I do think it was a step toward normal to be back to just the two permanent residents of our home.

Being at home alone means lots of time by myself to reflect.  Sometimes that's good and sometimes it's good and really hard. I find myself spending a lot of time talking to God. Sometimes that time is easier than others.  The first day at home alone I spent a good twenty minutes with Gungor's "Beautiful Things" on repeat.  If you haven't heard it, please listen here.  Friends, he makes beautiful things out of all of us. A quote from my prayer journal from this week,

"I've needed help for every single step I've taken in the past week and the spiritual implications are not lost on me. I want to need You at a distance."

And friends, he is not pleased with distance from his children.  Through this struggle, I found myself verbally saying at one point, "Jesus, if I don't have more of you, I'm not sure I can get through this." And I almost heard him verbally say back, "Good. That's where I want you. I'm enough."  It was a very tender moment. But I am seeking hard to press myself into him and feel him press back, asking me to give up my desire for control.  And slowly I'm relenting, knowing this is a constant and never-ending process.

Well that was deep.  Let's move back...

I have started working again. Slowly.  I went in for half a day yesterday.  I went to the ominous intern meeting I left last week via ambulance.  And no ambulance arrived to take me anywhere so I totally called it a success.  But seriously, it was nice to relive the normal of life and have it actually be normal.  I thought I was doing pretty good but wanted to make sure I wasn't overdoing it.  So I went home at one. As it turns out I was completely exhausted. But I am thankful for a flexible work environment that's allowing me to work some from home and being full of grace on my return.  I have a "home office." My mom seemed really impressed with that. It's a laptop on my couch and my planner next to it. Yup. We are so fancy here.  I have high hopes of a full day in-office tomorrow. We'll see how that turns out.

I had my first glass of wine last night. Oh it was good.  I haven't had any medication in several days so I thought it was high time.  Totally worth the wait.

some things are worth waiting for. like a glass of ozv zinfandel. And check out that nail polish--a gift from my wonderful man friend.

And that's it for me.  Glad to be getting some normalcy, even if it's slower than I'd like it to be.

On a very serious note, thank you to everyone who has commented, written me messages, emailed, texted, or found some other way to share kindness with Eric and me. We are blessed by love during this time.  We'd love to hang out with you all and catch up. But then again, if you want to hang out with me, you have to drive me to our hangout. So think long and hard about your commitment level:).

It's a new dawn. It's a new day. It's a new life for me. And I'm feeling good.


  1. Holy cow. I just read all of this. I am sorry that all happened and very glad you are ok. That is a lot for a person (you) to take in. I am going to pray for you right now.

    1. Thanks for the prayers. Yes, it's been a long few weeks but I am so glad to be on the upswing. And the prayers have sustained me when nothing else has, I am certain.