Normal(ish)(er)

This week started off with a bang. I mean, not so much a bang but a Sunday.

Sunday is typically my favorite day of the week.  I love my job. I love worshipping with my church Sunday morning.  I love all my little people and their snuggles. I love my volunteers. I love a good Sunday afternoon nap for as long as I don't have people to keep me awake (gotta see the bright side, yes?) and I especially love my small group.

So why such a bang? Well, here's the thing.  This was my first Sunday back after my absence.  So I knew it would be different.  I am a people person if there ever was one but I knew it would take another level of emotional stability to handle all the support others would give.

And I was right. It was hard. And good.

This book I'm reading was a good reminder as I walked the halls. I am human (no surprise right?? Anyone who's met me knows I am flawed:)). I need Jesus. But I, like all humans, also need people. I need touch. And to be seen. And heard. And I need to allow people to minister and bring joy to me just as I get joy and God's grace and goodness from being able to minister to others.

So as I sat on the side of the aisle at communion with big prayers and my loud singing (as always), people streamed down the aisle with a pat or a hug.  As overwhelmed as I was, I just accepted their graces and was humbled by their love and let the tears stream. Tears as heavy as the people rushing down the aisle to receive the body as the most precious form of grace.

I do truly believe people are full of love and I got to hold it deeply within me. Through tiny, sticky hugs and the little one who fell asleep in my arms (he was under 30 pounds in case my doctor is reading this) and the quick "I'm sorry for your loss"es and the longer, lingering hugs with teary eyes.

I will say, as much of a people person as I am, it was completely overwhelming and humbling. But it was also good. Moving toward normal is really all I can ask for. And Sunday was a huge step toward normal.

Speaking of normal, this week has been back to regularly scheduled. I am driving (!!!), I led a book discussion (about aforementioned book that I truly believe you should read. I know I don't know who you are if you are reading this but you should read it. If you love Jesus and want to live out his love and you struggle with this, read it), I even made dinner twice this week! Just call me overachiever Jess.

Today I had my two week doctor's appointment. And the biggest news of all: I. CAN. RUN.

You guys. I can run.  I can't tell you what a big deal this is.  I keep my sanity by running.  It calms me. It brings me closer to my man (we run together). It keeps me fit.  I was told I must start super slow but I can run again!  Which is good because I signed up for another marathon.

Yes. Another Marathon. Or should I say the same marathon. Because it's still the St. Jude. And I'll still be raising money. And it will still be in December. And I will still be eating potatoes:). So I'm thankful I can start training again, since I'm less than six months away. Hooray for marathons that help kids.

It's true. Life is (still) moving toward normal. And typing that could not please me more if the words were blinging on a glitter sign above my perfectly comfortable mattress while I slept the sleep of exhausted toddlers.

But seriously. Normal. And then again, life is never normal exactly. E and I are heavy in the midst of planning our next adoption fundraiser. Because we are fully believing God is speeding up the pace of our adoption. And we want to be ready to meet the little mister. Or miss. Or both:).  We'll keep you posted.

Maybe normal is overrated after all:).