Casting Crowns Concert

Our social worker emailed me earlier this week and let me know of a fun opportunity to represent our agency at the Casting Crowns concert this week. Because I am a huge fan of our agency, I rearranged my schedule and made it work.

I found out that I was to be the only one at the table until intermission when Eric got off work. That made me a little nervous but years on the road at admission fairs had boosted my confidence a little.

I arrived at 5:30, in search of a man named John Michael Hall. I walked in and asked for him and he was right there. As it turns out, John Michael is 14. As it also turns out, his dad is the lead singer for Casting Crowns and his mom is the tour manager. John Michael and his sisters hit the road with his parents throughout the tour and John Michael's job is to set up the Show Hope/ America World table a help set up the World Vision tables.

John Michael showed me the ins and outs of Show Hope's materials and America World's (though I had a pretty good handle on AWAA's info packet. I have to admit it was a complete throwback to see the baby blue, shiny info packet we had mailed to us three years ago when we were researching agencies. So many of the countries have changed. So many fewer in this packet... But I guess that's just international adoption for you.

I staffed the table by myself til intermission and only got some reaction. At intermission Eric showed up. Good thing, too, because people started asking LOTS of questions. It was so fun to see people full of questions and hope and uncertainty. They asked so many of the questions we did when we started the process. John Michael came by several times to give us the thumbs up.  

After intermission we sat together in the lobby and watched the concert. That is, until, John Michael came out to thank us and give us a CD.  We were incredibly grateful. Then he popped back by and noticed we were getting really into the music, sitting on the floor of the vestibule. So he found some seats and ushered us in to the concert.

That is a 14 year old kid who has been taught hospitality and kindness to others, I tell ya!

Here's a shot from our seats. The concert was BEAUTIFUL!

After the concert we talked about adoption with couples for quite a while before I finally started to pack up the brochures. John Michael arrived and helped us pack up. Not before I convinced him to take a picture with us.

It's funny how adoption has become such an overarching facet of our lives, even before we have a referral. This is just one more example. I'm hoping Casting Crowns makes a stop on tour in a few years so we can introduce John Michael to little man. Then we'll know we've come full circle.

Sixteen Months DTE

Yes, I am a few months behind. So we're catching up today. Sixteen months. Sixteen!!

I haven't put a verse on in three months so here is what I did today:

"I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you may have trouble but take heart. I have overcome the world." John 16:33

"The salvation of the righteous is from the Lord; He is their stronghold in times of trouble." Psalm 37:39

"The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and wonderful results." James 5:16

I'll be honest...it's hard to put chains up right now. We are sixteen months in. And if the numbers tell a truthful story (which is never certain) we're not halfway.  And yet.

We truly have come a long way. We started at 71. We are currently 42. We have moved pretty far, actually. And there's so far to go.

We were explaining to some new friends that we have this room. Full of toys and a chain link and books and heck, there's even an unassembled crib. Those pieces together are hard.

Then there's this present life. The one where we had dinner with said friends last night on a whim and didn't get home til 7:30. The one where we are headed to Justin Timberlake in Chicago because we can do things like that. The one where I'm writing this at 7 p.m. and dinner isn't finished and we are leisurely enjoying our evening.  And I remember it's all a gift.  All of it.

The Waiting.

The preparing.

The Before.

And of course, we are already certain the after.

We are so thankful for our present circumstances. We wouldn't have planned it this way. And that's when I remember I'm so thankful for a God who aligns my every step and doesn't withhold any good thing.

Sweet Sixteen.

We're blessed.

Doing Battle

Yes, I have two chains to add (not the rapper 2 Chainz--i don't plan on making a regular segment of my blog dedicated to him)  and a letter to write to little man and tons of things to update.  But I had this amazing experience at a conference last week. And here's the thing about transformational experiences and me: I need to write them down. And the longer I wait, the less transformational they feel and thus become, no matter how much it meant at the time.  So please give me the grace to write this down. I promise to get back to business on here soon.

I love being in vocational ministry. That sounds really uptight. I love that my job each day is to go work for a church and spend my time figuring out how to bless volunteers and teach kids that the best friend they could ever, ever have is Jesus.  But one thing I have noticed since I officially became a part of the ministry is that I feel more under attack. You may not believe in spiritual attack. I am not trying to convince you it's real. I am telling you in my life I have felt more mental attacks in my life since I dedicated it to facilitating relationships between Jesus and the little ones.

What does this look like? Well, I am sure each person has seen spiritual attacks in different ways.  For me, it has come in the form of mental lies. Of unbelief. These are truths I have believed in for years, that I haven't struggled with at all, that are now sneaking their way into my brain. I don't know how they get there (actually yes, yes I do) but I've had tough days of struggling in real ways with the truths of God. I know it's not cool and spiritual to say that. But I sometimes feel we need to hear the uncool to know that we are not alone in our trials (because honestly, aside from lies, evil's other tactic is alienation and making people feel alone.  Well, we are going to knock at both today).  So yeah. On to the story. Nope, we haven't gotten there yet.

So this past week I was in San Diego for a children's ministry conference. I came away with some great ideas for ministry and renewal in so many ways. We had breakout sessions each day but we also had main speakers, much like many conferences I've attended. So on the 3rd night of the conference, two of my comrades had gone home. We were scheduled to get this white stuff in our area (which did end up arriving). So half went home early. The other half of us stayed and decided if we went home late, no biggie:).  Well, the other half and I MIGHT have gone shopping and we might have spent too long in Forever 21 and we might have arrived at the conference after the dinner session had already started.

Maybe.

It became pretty blatantly clear we were late when they sent us to the front to two of the remaining seats and we realize we are sitting in the reserve section for board members and presenters. Um, cool. But whoops?

After dinner, we were being led in worship and those lies started back in my head.  And I was so, so sick of it that I did what I should have done in the first place. I stopped praising and in my head (and maybe out loud whispering) I said (and please know I know this sounds a little weird but you're going to have to go with me), "Satan, I know the lies I am hearing are from you. In the name of Jesus, I command you get out of my head. Jesus, I pray that only truth would live in me and you would clear my mind of anything that isn't true and that isn't from you. I believe in your truth and I know when I ask you to dwell in my mind, you will. Please clear out any lies." And I felt pretty instantly better. I was able to praise and I didn't feel all this conflict in my mind.

That would be a great personal story if it stopped there. But, well, it didn't. The topic this particular night was on praying for the international children's ministries. Larry Fowler gave a great message on prayer and I am diggin it. I am in it. Scribbling notes as fast as my bright pink, felt tip pen will write.

We get to the end and he says that a message on prayer wouldn't be complete without praying. Great! I love prayer! So he asks all those in ministry outside the states to stand up so we can gather round and pray for them. I see one of my favorite speakers standing next to me (because, remember, I am in the VIP section somehow). Yes, a bunch of international pastors are near me and Beth Guckenberger, my fave, is near me with her team from Mexico. So I am thinking, "this is sweet! I get to end this day by praying for Beth and her team! Awesome! She's on my prayer list and to think I can pray over her in person. So cool!"

Well, the guy leading prayers looks around, decides there aren't enough people standing so he says, "I am going to add one more category of people so we can all pray over some more in our midst. If you have been in children's ministry..."

OK guys, in my head, he's about to say something about people who have been in ministry a long time and I am getting pumped to pray for those in our midst who maybe are feeling burnout and my mind is racing. I'm excited. That's not what he says..."

"...for less than nine months.  If you have been in ministry nine months or less, please stand so we can pray over you."  I start counting on my hands. Eight and a half.  I look at my coworker. She prompts me to stand.

Guys, I don't want to stand. I want to go pray for Beth. Or someone who might really need it. Or anyone really.  But that's not what was supposed to happen. I stood and mumbled something about barely making the cutoff. And before I can get all the way out of my seat, I am completely surrounded by people. All sides. My coworker (boss) is to my right and lays her hands on me. I have hands all over me and the woman right in front of me introduces herself and asks if she can pray for me. Sure. That's why we're here, right? No backing out now.

She starts to pray for me. I can't tell you all she asked. But what I do remember is she asked God to strengthen me. To provide me with young people to stand next to me and support me. To provide me with older, wiser people to mentor me and lead me. And to give me courage and strength to keep going. And I am crying just writing this. But to live it, I felt the tears falling onto the ugly conference room carpet at my feet.  I felt so humbled, so vulnerable, and so filled.

It's as if, at that moment, God was saying to me, "You asked me to comfort and fill you.  You needed prayer. And I am your Father and give you all good things. So instead of just holding you close on my own, I am giving you dozens of people to come pray on your behalf." I would say it was too much but really it was just enough.  We concluded and I was swarmed with hugs and hand clasps as I tried to not look like a human waterfall.

At the end of the session, they had a surprise concert by The Digital Age. If you're like me that may not ring a bell. But it's David Crowder Band minus David Crowder. They were amazing. The first song they sand was one called "Undignified." I used to hear this song in high school often but hadn't heard it in a long time. And somehow it felt like that song was one final confirmation just to rest. To go back to the firsts of the days when I understood what it meant to rest in him even when everything was muddy. And I praised. OH I PRAISED.  And I didn't care if I looked like the crazy girl. I am the crazy girl.

There were so many good things at that conference but few things compare to God answering your prayers in an almost audible way.

If you are struggling with something in your mind that you know is not Truth, would you please pray and command God to take it? I am praying for you right now.  Evil only has the power we give it. We know who wins. Let's let him win in our lives as well.  We have lots of tools in this life but few as powerful and action-filled as prayer. We don't think of prayer as action sometimes. But it is. Such a powerful action to surrender and ask our God, our Father, to act on our behalf.

Thanks for being the fellow young and old standing next to me. We need each other to fight this battle, no matter what our battle looks like.  I am praying for your battle today.  We are more than conquerers in Christ Jesus.

In Which I Gloat About the Beach

It all started with my cousins. My cousins I happen to call my Aunt and Uncle because that's kind of the role they play in my life. Anywho, they bought a time share in Grand Cayman 10 years ago and often took my parents.

Sweet cousins! 

Well, last year when my parents returned, they had a time share of their own. To get us excited they said, "And you can come any time you want!! Just pay for your plane tickets."

Look at those darling parents!

Consider me sold!

No really. That's all it took.

When we first started the adoption, we were saving every penny. Every vacation day. We didn't want to use any scrap of a resource that might be used instead for the adoption. But two years later, we realized this thing could take a while. And the idea of not having vacation for five years for the sake of our adoption sounded counterintuitive. So, we decided this year to go for it, for the sake of our relationship.  

We both are busy at work. We both could have come up with excuses. But we also have always said after our relationship with Jesus, our marriage comes first. Above ALL else. Work. Future Kids. Dogs. So, we went for it.  And for eight days, we were on a beach. 

People keep asking about vacation. This is my new answer: wake up, coffee and devo, beach to read and soak, eat, beach, eat, sleep. Repeat.

The whole group on the second night, grilling and chatting.

On day three we realized we have maybe never had three days in a row with absolutely no plans. Who can complain about that!?

I read three books. For fun. I didn't even pick up one single adoption or parenting book. Shocking!

One of the three:)

I also happen to have a deep love of jigsaw puzzles. So I brought my own.  Some might say it's nerdy to bring a puzzle to a beach. I say: when you have free time, do what you love.

I'm Nerdy and I Know It

We snorkeled, ate delicious food, and had a lovely time.  I'm thrilled to be back but I'm so grateful for a lovely time of rest.

Little Man Monday

Hi Little Man,

I am so excited to talk to you! It's been a little while.  Your dad and I just got back from a beautiful vacation. We spent some time enjoying each other's company in Grand Cayman. We talked about you. We talked about what it would be like to have you home. We don't know when it will be so it's nice to remind ourselves that life will change and it won't seem like long once it gets here.

One thing I hope you always know about your dad and me: we love each other deeply. Oh don't be mistaken... we love you so, so much.  And we always will. But our love for each other is what started this whole family:). So, we want you to know how much we do love each other.  We look forward to taking you on vacations. But we also hope and plan to take vacations without you (when you are ready of course).  I hope you never, ever wonder whether or not your parents are passionate about each other.  I hope we can show you that every day. Maybe not every moment of every day but every day at some point.

While we were on vacation, we got you a little something:). Of course!  We got you a stuffed turtle. He doesn't have a name yet but he's in your room with your other stuffed animals. We didn't see a sea turtle  on vacation (your grandpa did!) but we did see three stingrays! It was amazing! I hope someday we can show you some.  If we go back, we'll get a stingray to add to the collection.

Dad and I are doing laundry and stepping back in to quiet, chilly winter life. Glad to share this chat with you today. You're our little man and always will be.  Even when you've outgrown me.

Love you so much,

Mom

Fueling Up

Full disclosure: repost from my work blog

Last year I completed a major goal. Some of you may have heard me speak about it in passing on Sundays, as it took up a lot of my time. I ran my first full marathon.  Twenty-six point two miles. If it seems like a lot of running, well, it is.  It required a lot of training and lots of dedication. That’s not exactly what I want to share about it today.

I am, by nature, a go-getter. I like to set goals and meet them. So when I decided in January of 2012 I would make it a goal to finish the marathon, I had every intention of putting every part of me into making this goal a reality.  I like running so I didn’t anticipate it being all that hard.

Training started off pretty good. I have a great running partner. You might have met my husband (he’s the walker team leader at 9:30). He has a gift of encouragement and we ran together. When it got to that point in training that our long runs were between 18 and 20 miles, something happened. I realized the tactics I had been using to get me through the shorter runs weren’t sustaining me. In fact, my body was literally beginning to fail me. I could press myself so hard and so far but at around three hours of running, it didn’t matter how much I wanted to or how mentally tough I was or even how encouraging my training partner was, I couldn’t go any more. When I say I couldn’t, please picture me lying on the side of the trail unable to carry my body to the car. Unable to keep food down. Unable to hold up my head. This is when I realized I didn’t have a motivation problem; I had a nutrition problem.

You may have drawn the connection yourself at this point but so many of us have a spiritual nutrition problem. I have it too. It’s the beginning of the year and I am guessing many of you have committed to live more fully for God. You want to serve him better. You want to be more devoted. These are all good things. The willpower to do them will get you off to a good start. You might even have a good training buddy like I did for my marathon. But unless you are giving yourself the right nutrients, your best laid plans to serve God will leave you empty, lying on the side of your spiritual trail, wondering why you even agreed to commit to something that is making you feel so, well, incomplete and empty.

This month on Leaving a Legacy, we’ll be focusing on the word of God. The bible is our spiritual nutrition and it even tells us how we need to fuel up for the marathon of life.  Joshua 1:8 in the ESV says “This Book of the Law shall not depart from your moth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.”

Deuteronomy 6:4-9 (ESV) also reminds us our families and kids need this nutrition as much as we do, “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.  And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.  You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.  You shall bind them as a sign on your hands, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

You see, you can have the best laid intentions for a year filled with serving God but if you aren’t spending time in His word, getting to know him and fueling up for your marathon, it’s just not going to happen.

At this point you may be wondering “how” to read the bible. If you haven’t picked up a bible reading plan from The Crossing, I would encourage you to start here. It’s broken into meaningful and manageable chunks. Find a buddy and start feeding your soul.

Some of you may be saying you don’t feel like it. Let me say that I didn’t often start feeling faint until it was too late. I had to learn to eat meaningful things during my race but before I knew I needed them. If I waited, I would have already depleted my body. 

A wise woman once told me the word of God is like a meal. Sometimes you eat a wonderful meal and it fills you to the brim. You talk about it for days and it becomes a central part of your day, even week. Other times, you eat leftovers or whatever you can get your hands on because your body needs food. It may not be an amazing experience but it keeps your body going on when you otherwise would be too tired to keep moving in your day. The word of God will be the same. Some days you’ll love what you’re reading and other days we read to sustain us even when you might not feel like it’s the best meal you’ve ever had in your life. Lucky for us, the Holy Spirit will work in us through the word even when we don’t know what to do with it.

Finally, if you don’t keep a journal of some sort, I would encourage you to try it. When I was trying to identify my issue of why I couldn’t complete my trainings, I kept track of what I ate on the run and realized what worked and what didn’t. We can do this with the word too, in our own way. Write down questions you have. Talk to God about what you’re thinking about in the passage. Write down verses you want to return to later. Realize what’s feeding you and really focus on it.

In case you are wondering, I found by packing baked potatoes on my marathon, I was able to finish and not feel faint. I needed a pretty substantial meal, not just a packet of gel to keep my body going. It wasn’t the easy solution but it was the long-term one. Once I got it, I was able to complete the race.

I pray that 2013 is a year that you can look back and say you finished your year as strong and nourished as when you started. Maybe even more so. Of course, you’ll also need other tools—prayer, the Holy Spirit, fellowship with other believers. But I pray the word of God nourishes you and lives in your heart in a deeper way than it did in 2012. May you dig in deep and find this race more exhilarating than you ever have before.

Year in Recap: 12 in 12 Photos

Last year's 11 photos in 11 was so fun I thought I would continue the tradition and go for 12 photos in 12. I don't know how long I'll keep this up. I mean 32 photos is 2032 could be a really long blog post. But for now, it works. Some things I learned while finding recap photos:

1. I didn't realize all the fun we had until I went in retrospect. I was surprised to find we had a jam-packed year. I mean, maybe not surprised. I knew we did a lot this year. I was surprised we did enough photo-worthy things. For instance, E got a new job. Huge. No photo for that. And yet, I managed to easily come up with 12.

2. We really had months when we didn't take any photos at all. Like January. Or July. So forgive the fact that some months have no photos while others have many.

And now, in chronological order, our year in 12 photos:

1. Our trip to the final MU/kU basketball game, thanks to our gracious ticket fairy. It was a blast!

2. Venue captaining the largest venue at True/False and getting to hold Mr. Oscar himself for best documentary, Undefeated (shout out to Dan Lindsay--MU Grad). Woah.

3. Surprise girl trip with my mama to Chicago. Also my final Mizzou work-related trip. Great girl bonding time and wonderful dinner with cousins.

4. First Sunday at my new job. (from The Crossing's photo stream)

5. First Kids Club as a staff member. I survived!!

6. Trip to Portland for our 5th anniversary and to see Mark and his darling fiancé.

7. Empowered to Connect Conference in Nashville where I got to meet mamas from my agency and felt even more a part of this whole adoption-community-thing (sorry for the picture quality--it's the only one we have!!).

8. Half marathon with my family in town. Great precursor to that marathon thing that took up most of my life in 2012.

9. November celebration of one year waiting. And the reminder we have the best small group on the planet.

10. Finish of the St. Jude half marathon. Raising $1100 to fight childhood cancer and illness through St. Jude. Touring St. Jude. Training for months with my darling, amazing husband.

11. Christmas Card 2012 photo

12. Christmas at my house. All the kids (my brothers and their ladies, as well as my cousin Lauren)

2012 was grand. In so many ways it's not what I expected at all. I think that is a lesson I keep learning over and over. Life isn't going to be what we expect. But I have been changed and have grown so much this year. I can't wait to see how different I am at the end of 2012.

May God bless you in 2013. May you come out changed. Grown. And serving Him more with your everyday.

Happy New Year!