Saturday, September 24, 2011

Excitement, or lack thereof

I think you have every right to know that my life as a 28 year old is much more exciting than it was at 27. That is, if you believe excitement is a Friday night filled with watching "Whitney" (which I can't recommend, because of both its laugh track and hearing one of the most vulgar jokes I've heard on prime time TV in its content) on DVR followed by an 8:30 bed time.  I can't make this stuff up people.  It does, I suppose, make it a little better that I watched "Parenthood" on my computer til 9:30 instead of crashing straight to sleep.  Right? Right??

Well anyway, apparently I needed that sleep because I woke up at the ripe hour of 9:30 a.m. and felt refreshed but not like I had overslept. I have always been one who needs a lot of sleep so this was no surprise to me, the twelve hour weekend slumber. Hubs, on the other hand, is always shocked by how much I can sleep.  He woke up about 6:30 and started playing with the puppies.  Friends, I have a puppy story to tell but I am honestly not sure how many readers out there can handle it.  It's hilarious and disgusting all at the same time. If you are not into hilariously disgusting, I recommend you skip down, I'll give you some asterisks so you can see when the story ends.

*****(this is the beginning, not the ending, obvs)*****

Yesterday, I thought I saw Gabby carrying some underthings of mine in her mouth.  When I went to grab them from her, they were gone.  I had a strange suspicion that she didn't hide them under the bed.  Mostly because our bed doesn't have a frame so you pretty much can't get under it.  It is on the floor.  Anywho, I just felt maybe, just maybe, she had swallowed them.  But, of course, I couldn't prove it.  So, I mentioned it to the Hubs and left it at that.

Flash forward to 7am this morning while I am sleeping.  I get this tap on my shoulder from E, who explains to me the reason the water is running in the bathtub is because he has been washing his hands and feet, due to the gross scenario I am about to give you.  Mind you, I was so asleep I didn't hear the water run. I did hear him apologize, though.  Kind but unnecessary to the girl who can sleep through almost anything.

Anyway, apparently, while they were running laps in the yard, Gabs went into "the position" and hubs looked over to see not a regular deuce, as he had expected, but a pair of panties wrapped in a deuce.  Ew.  So, he goes to grab them from her but he was too late, she started to EAT THEM AGAIN!!  Seriously, people, my mind is not this gross.  I can't make this up.  So, he has to grab them out of her throat, where they are 2/3 of the way down, and pull them out of her mouth, covered in her own poop.  If the story stopped there, that would be funny right? Hubs would wash up and we'd all have had a good laugh.  But no.

She goes into "the position" again and lo and behold, a sock comes out with this mess.  He goes to grab it and girlfriend SWALLOWS it before he can get it away from her.  So now, we are waiting for a poop-covered men's dress sock to come out.  Again. The good news is she is completely fine and all the  socks and underpants seem to be passing through her just fine.  Plus, this gave me a reason to buy a new rubbermaid stacking container--to get more clean socks and underpants off the floor of our closet.

But I had no idea this was even a scenario to worry about when we got a bigger dog.  Guess I know now.  Whoops!

***You can read again***

So, after my sluggish 9:30 wake up, my maitre' d, also known as the husband (have I mentioned how awesome he is because if not, I should really be reprimanded), brought be French toast and coffee, in preparation for our seven miler.  I milled around and delayed as long as I could, but I eventually made my way to the door in my running clothes.

An hour and half later, we had run 7 miles, walked a half a mile, stretched, and were feeling awesome. We are training for the St. Jude Half Marathon, and I think we are putting the St. Louis full on our calendar, to run for As Our Own. I look forward to sharing more about this later, but this post is already long.

So after my first pumpkin latte of the season and a trip to purchase a Rubbermaid container as a direct result of "the incident" we are now at home, resting comfortably and getting ready for a nap.  Because, you know, 12 hours of sleep just isn't enough for a 24 hour period.

Have a great weekend!


  1. Little did you know two posts ago how much your doggie loved socks and underpants :) Hilarious!

  2. I shook with laughter reading this one! We pulled a rope out of my dog's bottom one time, but this tops that by a mile.